Ep #146: ‘We’ll See’ is Not a Strategy: Take Ownership of Your Habits

This is the Strong Is a Mindset podcast, Episode #146. If you’ve been feeling stuck, hesitant, or like change is not happening for you, this episode will light a fire under your booty in the kindest way possible. Let’s go.

This is the Strong Is a Mindset podcast, where you’ll learn how to build both a strong body and a strong mind by eating, moving, and thinking. I’m your host Physician, Personal Trainer, Certified Health Coach and Certified Life Coach, Carrie Holland.

Hey, how are you? What’s new? What’s good? So, what’s good here? We are going to talk about ownership today. So let me tell you where this is coming from. I’ve said it a few times. I will say it again here, but I am a word nerd. So I had no idea how much I value words and language, but the more I coach, the more I realize how much your words and the way you talk about yourself matters. So think about it. Your words reflect your unique interpretation of the world.

So when I’m working with a client, her words are my window into what she’s thinking. And no, it’s not in a creepy mind reading kind of way, but words show me your perspective of the world around you. And recently, I’ve noticed a pattern among some of my clients, and I picked it up through their words. So even earlier this week, I was coaching a client, and she was talking about a plan she had put in place to eat less processed food. And one of the things we talked about was getting rid of some of the chocolate in her house.

She realized that she had chocolate everywhere, in her purse, in her pantry, easily accessible in the kitchen, at work. And she decided that this was really getting in her way because if she encountered the chocolate, she would feel compelled to eat the chocolate. And she also noted that some of this chocolate that she had been keeping was super old and probably not even really good to eat anymore. So she wanted to throw it away. But she has a really hard time with food waste. And when we talked about throwing it away, I could feel and sense her resistance to it.

So we talked through it. And ultimately, she decided that she would start by throwing away 1 piece or 1 bar of old chocolate per day. That’s it. We took something that sounded a little big and drastic at first, like clearing out a pantry full of old chocolate, and paired it down to getting rid of one piece of chocolate a day. And then, when we were wrapping up and she was going over this plan that she created, she finished by saying, “We’ll see what happens.”

So I just stopped her there because while that was only four words, to me, those four words spoke volumes. So think about her response one more time. We’ll see what happens. So what do you think when you hear those words? Do you think of certainty or uncertainty? Do you think of control or no control? Do you think of responsibility or chance? And this is just one example, but I have plenty of others.

And what I’ve noticed is that when a client says something like, “We’ll see,” or “I hope it works,” or “I’ll try,” my radar goes up because those words are a clue. Those words are a clue that you’re not fully taking ownership of the thing you say you want. And I want to say this clearly, but also with compassion. But when you say, “I hope it works,” or “we’ll see,” or something similar, what you’re really saying is, “I don’t think I have control here.” When you say, “I’ll try,” what you’re often really saying is, “I’m leaving room for this to not happen.”

And I know that might be hard to hear. It may feel a little cringey to think of the times in your life when you’ve said, “We’ll see,” only to not do the thing. And I’m only sharing it because I’ve been there. I’ve done it. And I’ve said all of those things. And I know what it feels like to not be in a place of full belief in yourself. It doesn’t feel good. I’ve done it in my business, I’ve done it in my relationships, I’ve done it with my schedule, my fitness. I have defaulted to “We’ll see,” and it got me absolutely nowhere.

So think about it. When you say, “We’ll see,” what does that bring up for you? What feelings do you associate with “We’ll see”? So I don’t know about you, but when I think or say, “We’ll see,” or “I’ll try,” it brings up a feeling of uncertainty and detachment. There’s an undertone of passivity, like you’re waiting for something outside of you to decide what happens next. And at first go, “We’ll see” might sound hopeful, but it’s vague. Like you’re crossing your fingers, but not making a clear decision.

We’ll see. I’ll try. Hopefully. If things settle down, I’ll start. I’ve been meaning to. These are all shades of the same thing. They are non-committal responses that create distance between you and the result, just in case it doesn’t work out. And in many cases, these responses are protective. They allow you to stay emotionally distant from the outcome, so you don’t have to deal with disappointment if things don’t go your way. And they all subtly say that the result may not be up to you.

But we need to blow that all out of the water because that’s not how change works. That’s not how you establish authority over yourself. That is not how you become empowered. So phrases like “We’ll see,” or “I hope,” they take you out of the driver’s seat. They put you at the effect of your circumstances instead of being in control of them. We’ll see means you’re not making the call. Instead, it’s you waiting for your life to decide for you. No, thank you.

So today, I’ve got something to offer you that is even better than hope or trying. Today, I want to offer you ownership. So we’re going to dive in and look at the subtle ways that you give up your ownership, both in your language and in your mindset. We’re going to pull apart why phrases like, “We’ll see,” or “I hope it works,” feel safe, but keep you stuck. We’ll talk about what real ownership actually looks like and why we avoid it. And by the end of this episode, my hope is that you feel more empowered to show up as someone who is fully in charge of her life, even if it’s messy, even if it’s imperfect, and even if it’s hard. Because honestly, you are in charge of your life, no matter what. All right? So, let’s go.

So first, let’s talk about what a lack of ownership sounds like. And the point here is to see how it sneaks into your everyday language in a way that sounds totally normal. You may not even notice what you’re saying. These are the kinds of phrases that you might say without even thinking twice, but when you really stop to examine them, you see that they reveal something deeper, like hesitation, uncertainty, or reluctance to take full responsibility.

So these are phrases like, “I’ll try to meal prep this week.” “Hopefully I can get my workouts in.” “I’ll see if I can stick to my eating plan.” “I just have to wait until things calm down to start getting up early again.” “It depends on my schedule.” So these are things I hear commonly from my clients, and maybe you’ve got your own examples. And these all sound pretty innocuous, right? They all sound reasonable. But think about those phrases again. “I’ll try to meal prep.” “Hopefully I can do my workouts.” “It depends on my schedule.”

These are all slippery. Every one of these phrases distances you from the outcome. You’re creating a buffer between you and responsibility. And while it’s subtle and sneaky, it’s powerful. And it’s powerful enough to keep you from having to be all in. You’re giving yourself wiggle room. You’re giving yourself an out, which might feel good in the moment, but over time, that wiggle room adds up to inconsistency, self-doubt, and lack of results.

Okay, so now that we’ve got an idea of what lack of ownership sounds like, let’s switch gears and contrast that with what ownership does sound like. Ownership sounds like, “I’m going to make a batch of turkey burgers on Sunday at 3.” “My workouts are planned for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 5:00 AM.” “I will follow my plan this week, even if it’s imperfect.” “My schedule is crazy this week, but I am in charge of how I show up.”

Do you see the difference here? The difference is huge. These statements are grounded. They are certain. There is no guessing here. There’s no questioning. There’s no escape route. You’re not just trying, now you’re doing, and your words reflect that. Those words carry energy. These are the kind of statements that put you in the driver’s seat. They signal commitment and reflect ownership, and that is how I want you or anyone I work with to live her life, with intention and ownership.

And most importantly, these words inspire definitive action. When you declare, “I will follow my plan this week, even if it’s imperfect,” you are not waiting for perfect conditions. You’re not leaving your action to chance. You’re taking charge. And that feels empowering. So these phrases reflect ownership and responsibility. They create a different kind of energy. This is not uncertainty or detachment. Instead, these are the kind of words that tell your brain, “Hey, this is happening.” And that’s what we’re aiming for.

Now that we’ve talked about what ownership does and does not sound like, let’s get into it. Let’s talk about why we avoid taking ownership over our choices. Well, my take on this is that ownership might seem scary. If you take full responsibility for your actions, then the outcome is on you. And that means if it doesn’t work, or you eat the chocolate when you plan to skip it, or you sleep through your workout, well, then you have to own that too. And that is uncomfortable.

And most of us do not like letting ourselves down. Most of us don’t like not following through. And most of us don’t like feeling uncomfortable. And there we go. There it is. We found it. There’s a theme here. Actually, there’s a theme in a lot of the episodes that I do that talk about growth and change. And that theme is feeling discomfort. So let’s go there because this is where most people stop. They stop at the first sign of discomfort.

So remember, we are not wired to welcome discomfort. In fact, most of us go to great lengths to avoid discomfort like the plague. We avoid feeling embarrassed, disappointed, frustrated, deprived, or uncertain. We also do not like the discomfort of feeling like we failed. We don’t like the discomfort of feeling like we’re falling short. So we try to dodge it in any way that we can. And one of the easiest ways to avoid that feeling is by never really fully committing in the first place.

Because here’s a key thing to note. If you don’t fully commit, you can always blame something else. You can blame your schedule. You can blame traffic, the weather, your kid’s sports practice, your dog. You can find something. And then when you do that, you get to sidestep all of that emotional discomfort. So it’s protective. You’ve created a little cocoon of safety for yourself by not accepting full responsibility. And that feels better than the discomfort of feeling that you let yourself down and didn’t follow through.

But here’s what I want to remind you. The worst thing that happens when you feel discomfort is that you feel it. That’s it. You feel the discomfort, and then it passes, and then you get on with your life. So remember that discomfort will not break you, okay? It will not break you. But avoiding it, on the other hand, can keep you stuck forever. So instead of avoiding the feeling of discomfort, what if you allowed it? What if you were willing to accept it?

What if you decided that feeling uncomfortable was just part of the process of doing something meaningful? What if you let that discomfort be a signal that you’re evolving? And what if you let that discomfort mean that you’re doing it right? Because discomfort is not a stop sign, really. It’s just a signal that you’re getting out of your comfort zone into new territory. And that is exactly where change happens.

So yes, it is easier to blame your schedule or your job or your hormones or that your life is just too full right now. And I’m not pretending that these things don’t matter. They absolutely do. And you can acknowledge that you’re juggling a lot. You have real responsibilities and real pressures and a full plate. And I get that it’s not easy. But please remember that you’re still in charge. Even when life feels overwhelming, even when your schedule is loaded. You may not control everything that happens in your day, but you always control how you respond to it.

You always get to decide whether you make space for your priorities or if you put them off for someday. Because saying something like, “My schedule makes it impossible,” may feel true, but it is not helpful. And more importantly, it shuts down the conversation and essentially wipes out the possibility of change. It keeps you stuck and it hands your power away to your circumstances.

So what happens when we hand over our power to our circumstances and avoid taking full ownership of our choices? What is the real cost of keeping yourself just outside your own responsibility? So first and most important, you lose power over your decision making, your time, your habits, and ultimately your life. When you say, “We’ll see,” or “I hope,” you’re handing the control over to someone else or something else, or even no one at all. You’re saying, “I’m not in control here.”

And when you’re not in control, you’re at the mercy of whatever happens to you. You are reacting instead of choosing. You’re living at the effect of your circumstances instead of intentionally creating your life. And while that might feel easier in the moment, over time, taking this approach will erode your sense of control and authority. You’ll start to believe that your results are determined by all the things happening around you instead of your results being determined by the choices that you make every day.

And another cost of not taking ownership is that you never build the belief that you can do hard things. You don’t give yourself that chance to prove yourself to yourself. You don’t prove to yourself that you’re capable. You’re losing out on the opportunity to build self-efficacy. There’s that word again. Self-efficacy, your belief in your ability to do what you say you’re going to do. And that is absolutely essential if you’re going to change your life.

So when you don’t take ownership, you rob yourself of the opportunity to strengthen that belief. You stay in indecision. You stay waiting for change when you could be creating it yourself. And the longer you stay there, the more your confidence erodes. Because remember, every time you commit to something and follow through, even if it’s small, even if it’s imperfect, you build trust with yourself. You send yourself the message, “I do what I say I’m going to do.” And that is how self-efficacy grows and that’s how change lasts. You make a commitment, you follow through, you get a result, and you ask for more of yourself.

But without ownership, that cycle never starts. And the more you avoid it, the more you’ll start to believe that you’re not capable of change. But that’s not true. You are capable of change. You just haven’t given yourself the consistency to prove it yet. And here’s another key takeaway. Even if you don’t do the thing perfectly, if you own your actions, you still build trust with yourself. And that trust is the foundation for showing up again and again, even when it’s hard. It’s that voice that tells you, “Hey, I’ve got my own back here.”

So let me be crystal clear here. You are always responsible. You are always in control, always. So there is no “we’ll see.” And while that doesn’t mean that everything is within your control, your response always is. Your reactions, your mindset, your follow through, your ability to adapt, those are yours, always. So you might have a horrible week at work. You might have a sick kid or a sick pet. You might be dealing with a disagreement between you and your partner. But here’s the thing. No matter what is going on in your world, how you show up to face those things is on you.

Your choice to pause, get focused, ground yourself, and choose your next best action, that is all within your hands. It is your choice. And I know that may be hard to hear. Maybe that sounds heavy. Maybe it makes you feel defensive. Maybe you’re thinking, “She has no idea what’s going on in my life.” Or maybe you’re thinking, “But that’s not fair. There are things in my life that I cannot control.” And I agree with you. There are absolutely things and people and situations that you cannot control. But that is exactly why this distinction matters. You are not responsible for everything that happens to you, but you are responsible for how you respond. And I know that may sound hard, and I know it may bring up a feeling for you. And I want to be kind, but also be clear about this.

Owning your response does not mean blaming yourself, okay? I need you to really hear that. Owning your response does not mean you blame yourself for the things that you can’t control in your life. But it means you reclaim your authority. And that is huge. So it’s not about fault, it’s about responsibility. And there is a big, big difference. And so when you resist this idea, when you insist that you can’t do anything about your situation, what is happening here? You are putting yourself into full on victim mode. You’re declaring that your circumstances are more powerful than you are. And that is a really painful, miserable, helpless place to live. And I say that because I lived there for years. It was way, way easier to blame everything and everybody for my pain than it was to take ownership of it.

So what I’m offering here is not judgment. I’m offering you freedom. It’s the freedom and understanding that you always have a choice in how you show up, even if that choice is small. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong if things feel hard. It means you’re human, but you’re also a powerful human. And when you start to see even the smallest places where you can make a choice, whether that’s how you talk to yourself, how you plan your day, how you respond when things go off track, you will start to build a sense of control.

And that control is everything. Realizing that you are in charge of your thoughts, feelings, and actions is what pulls you out of helplessness and puts you in authority. And the more you practice this kind of ownership, the more empowered, calm, and in control you will feel. And not because life got easier, but because you got stronger. And that is one of the most empowering ideas I think I can offer you. When you recognize that you are responsible for your response, and when you truly believe and accept and practice it, that is when you shift out of victim mode.

That is when you stop living at the effect of your schedule or your kids or your dogs or your commute. That is when you move out of helplessness and into a more proactive, grounded space. And you know what? That feels so much better. It feels calmer. You have more clarity and control, even when there’s chaos around you. Because if you’re always responsible, then you’re never powerless. If you’re always responsible, then you always have a say in your life. And that is essential.

So now that we’ve talked through some of this, I want to encourage and invite you to start paying attention. So we’re talking about awareness here, okay? Once again, it always comes back to awareness. Awareness is the first and most essential step in making any kind of meaningful change because you can’t change what you don’t see. And you have to look for it in order to find it. So I want you to start noticing. Start noticing when you use language that takes away your authority.

Pay attention to the words that you use and the story those words are telling about yourself. So that means when you hear yourself say, “We’ll see,” or “I’ll try,” or “Hopefully,” or something similar, I want you to pause. This is your opportunity to ask questions. I want you to ask yourself, “What am I actually deciding here?” “Is this me owning my decision, or am I trying to keep a door open and not take responsibility so I won’t have to feel the pain if it doesn’t go as planned?”

And what I want you to look for is when you’re deferring. Every time you say, “I’ll try,” or “We’ll see,” you’re deferring. You’re deferring to chance, and you’re making a choice to stay passive, even if that’s not what you intend to do. And when you stay passive, you stay stuck. And it might be that it’s habit. “We’ll see” may be your default. You may have been talking this way for years. You may have been softening your language, keeping things vague and not fully committing.

And that’s okay. Maybe you were doing what made sense to you and kept you safe at the time. But now, I hope you can start to see it. You can see how thinking and talking this way is not helping you. So it doesn’t matter if you’ve been doing it for years or decades. This is not about blaming yourself. It’s about waking up to discover a pattern of thinking and a pattern of talking about yourself that is no longer working for you. And then, taking it a step further to give yourself the opportunity to choose differently.

Because your language matters. The way you talk to yourself, the words you use, and the tone you set, it all matters. It shapes how you think and what you believe about yourself. So remember, your words create your world, and your world creates your words. So you want to choose them carefully and intentionally. And when you upgrade your language, you also upgrade your mindset. And when you do that, everything starts to shift. Because when you own your choices, even when they’re not perfect, that’s when you start to build momentum.

That’s when you prove to yourself that you can handle whatever comes at you. That is when you start to speak and act in a more empowered way, and that feels really, really good. So let this episode be your gentle kick in the pants. Let it be gentle, but a firm nudge to stop waiting, stop negotiating, and start owning. Let it be the push that you need to decide that you are done letting your circumstances dictate what is and is not possible for you.

Please remember that you do not need to be perfect. You do not have to get an A+, and you don’t have to get it right every time. You do not need to have every detail of your plan mapped out. You do not need every barrier removed, because that is impossible. But you do need to show up. You have to show up like you are in charge, because you are. You need to show up like your life is something that you are actively creating, not something you’re just reacting to.

And so here’s what this means in practice. It means “We’ll see” is no longer an option. It means “I’ll try” is not how you describe your commitment. Because even though those phrases are common, they’re easy, and they might seem like the safe answer, they are keeping you in a holding pattern. Those responses keep you waiting and they keep you passive. But you aren’t here to be passive. Maybe I’ll speak for myself here just a minute. I don’t want to be passive. I want to take the bull by the horns, take responsibility, take ownership, and lead my own life.

I know what it feels like to do the opposite and feel like I was at the mercy of everything and everyone around me, and there is no way in hell I’m going back. It feels so much better to be an active participant in your own life. It feels so much better to engage and lead your life instead of being led by it. And that doesn’t mean that everything is roses. Stuff still happens. Life is still messy, even when you’re in charge. And it doesn’t mean that you don’t stumble and mess up, because you will. It just means that you get to decide to keep going anyway, no matter what happens, because you are the one behind the steering wheel.

So the message and the take home, if you want to boil it down to four simple words: you are in charge, okay? You’re in charge, always. And when you embrace that, not just as an idea that sounds good, but as a way of being and a way of living, that is when your world opens up. That’s when your life starts to change. That is when you stop waiting for life to happen to you. That’s when you stop blaming everything around you for the life that you have. And that is when you start becoming the person who creates her life on purpose, with clarity and a sense of direction to boot. You become someone who stops waiting for the perfect moment or ideal circumstances to take action, and instead gets her hands dirty and takes action, one step at a time.

There it is. So if you have found yourself using phrases like, “We’ll see,” “I’ll try,” or “I hope it works,” please know this. Using these words doesn’t make you wrong or weak or bad. It does not mean that you failed. It means you’re human. And now, you’re a human paying attention. It means you’ve got a whole new level of awareness. And that is something to be proud of. Because awareness really is everything. It’s essential. Awareness allows you to finally see where you’ve been holding yourself back and where you have the opportunity to do something different.

You cannot change what you’re not aware of. But once you see it, and once you see where you have an opportunity to take charge of your thinking and your actions, then you can own it. You can be intentional. You can be purposeful. You can own the way you think, act, and show up in the world. And “We’ll see” becomes, “I got this.”

And if you want help with this, let’s go. When you coach with me, you’ll take ownership of your thinking and your habits. Check out my website. Send me a message at www.carriehollandmd.com/contact and let’s talk about how coaching will put you back in charge of your life. Thank you again for hanging out with me, and I’ll catch you again next week.

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You’ll also find strength training tips to help you train smarter and see real results. My goal is to help you get strong and this strength-training guide will help you do it. Go to CarrieHollandMD.com/build strength and check it out.

Thank you for listening to the Strong Is a Mindset podcast. If you want to learn more about how to build both a strong mind and a strong body by eating, moving, and most importantly, thinking, check out CarrieHollandMD.com.