Ep #60: How to Deal With Your Trigger Foods

You are listening to the Strong as a Working Mom podcast, Episode #60. If you have foods that trigger overeating, should you avoid them altogether or do you practice moderating yourself? Let’s talk about it.

Welcome to the Strong as a Working Mom podcast. If you’re balancing career, family, wellness, and some days sanity, you are in the right place. This is where high-achieving, busy, working moms get the tools they need to eat, move, and think. I’m your host, physician, personal trainer, and Certified Life Coach, Carrie Holland. Let’s do this.

Hey, how are you? What’s new, what’s good? So, what’s good here, we are going to talk about what to do with trigger foods. Depending on where you look, you’ll find trigger foods defined differently. In some spaces “trigger foods” are defined as foods that cause intolerance, or allergic symptoms to appear. So, like when a person with true celiac disease eats gluten, or when someone with lactose intolerance eats dairy.

In other places, and for our purposes today, you’ll see the term “trigger foods” in the context of overeating. Today, I’m talking about what you can do when you know there are certain foods that result in you over eating them and overly craving them.

Before I get too far into this, I’m going to make a note here, I’m not talking about what to do if you have binge eating disorder, okay? That is different, and that should be treated by a licensed clinician with expertise in binge eating disorder.

Today, I’m simply talking about foods that you would consider trouble foods, or foods that trigger over eating. Foods, that once you start eating them, you have a hard time stopping. Or once you have them, you tend to overly crave them. I’m also not talking about addiction. For one thing, it is still very much up for debate whether or not true food addiction exists.

So, even though you may say things like, “I’m addicted to sugar. I’m addicted to Oreos,” we don’t know enough of the science yet to say that a sugar addiction is the same as an alcohol addiction, and that it should be treated in the same way. There is most definitely more and more literature about food addiction. But there is still serious debate about whether or not food addiction exists. I’m not trying to settle that debate today.

I’m also not talking about alcohol addiction, because that is a separate medical issue that should be treated by a clinician with expertise in that. I am keeping it much simpler and simply want to talk about how to manage yourself around foods that trigger overeating for you. So, now that I’ve gotten those disclaimers out of the way, I want to dive in, because there are a few different approaches you can take to this.

When you’re dealing with foods that trigger overeating, you’ve got options. And as you might expect, there is absolutely no one right way to do this. No matter what any therapist, dietician, influencer, physician, or anyone tells you, there is no one right way to approach foods that trigger overeating for you.

My hope is that I can help you think through what might work best for you in order to manage yourself around foods that you find challenging. So, this came, in part, from conversations I’ve had with some of you and with many of my coaching clients over the years.

Some of you have mentioned that there are certain foods that once you start eating them, you feel as if you’re eating them against your will. You have one handful of chips, and that’s not enough. So, you go back for another and another and end up eating half the bag of chips in one sitting.

Or you find that once you have a piece of chocolate, you find yourself wanting more chocolate, and it feels like that bag of Mini Hershey bars is literally staring at you through the pantry door, and you keep eating them. That’s what I’m referring to today when I say trigger.

So, as you’re listening today, I want you to think about who you are, how you operate best, and what approach to trigger foods might work for you, while recognizing there is no one right way to go about this. All right? So, let’s go.

First, let’s talk about moderation. You are likely familiar with this concept already, as moderation is what you will most likely find recommended in diet books and nutritionist and therapist offices. Moderation, as it applies to your diet, sounds like a solid concept. But what I have found over years of coaching people around this is that moderation is very much subjective.

So, think about it for a second. What does eating in moderation mean to you? What is the line between moderation and too much? And is it the same for everyone? No. My guess is that your idea of moderation is going to be very different from your friend’s idea of moderation.

Even when I was preparing for this podcast, I struggled to find an accepted definition of what constitutes eating in moderation. That’s because there just isn’t one. I found that the concept of moderation is actually pretty nebulous, with no standard, widely recognized definition. It is totally wishy-washy.

So, one source defined moderation as eating a reasonable amount of food. But again, reasonable is most definitely a vague term and up to the interpretation of the individual. The most common terminology I found regarding eating in moderation was that it means you’re not eating to excess. And when I say excess, I mean excess calories or an excess of any one particular food.

But even that, that is still subjective and up to interpretation. Finally, I found this definition, which sat with me just a little better than the idea of eating a “reasonable” amount of food, or not eating to excess. I found that moderation can be a practice of eating the amount of food your body needs in order to stay healthy.

Still, again, up for interpretation. But I liked that it explained it in terms of eating what your body needs, and being healthy. Because when we eat more than our body needs, we’re setting ourselves up for problems like obesity and the health problems that come with it.

So, at the most basic level, moderating yourself around food means finding that sweet spot. It is that space of not too much, not too little, but just right. It’s that space where you can eat foods you enjoy, but you don’t overdo it. And the key takeaway here, is that moderation is most definitely personal. Moderation is not going to be the same for everyone.

As an example, let’s talk about dessert. Does moderating yourself around dessert mean you only have dessert after dinner, instead of having dessert after both lunch and dinner? Or does moderating yourself mean dessert after dinner only on Saturdays instead of every night of the week? I know those are both different.

One approach is dessert seven times a week instead of 14 times a week. The other approach is dessert once a week instead of seven times a week. But both of these are examples that my clients have given me about how they’re practicing moderation around dessert. So, who’s doing it right? Who is moderating correctly here?

I most definitely do not have the answer. But I would argue that they’re both doing it right. Because they’re both working towards that space of not too much and not too little. There is no one accepted threshold that determines whether or not you’re eating in moderation, and that is essential to understand. What constitutes moderation for one person may be excess for another. The takeaway here is that moderation, again, very much personal; there is no one size fits all. If you decide that the amount of a certain food that you eat is bothersome to you, then you may decide that practicing moderation is something you want to do. No one else can decide that you’re eating too much chocolate, that is entirely your decision.

The decision to start moderating yourself around chocolate is also yours. And exactly how you moderate yourself around chocolate, also your decision. You get to decide how much and how often you have it, and whether or not that constitutes moderation for you.

So, now that we’ve picked apart what moderation means, let’s talk about why moderation works for some people. Moderation works because you’re not giving up anything. You are not eliminating anything from your life. If you decide that your nightly potato chip habit is getting out of hand, but you don’t want to give up potato chips altogether, then you can choose to practice moderation.

You get to decide how to approach it. Whether that’s once a week where you have a bowl full of chips, or you have a handful of chips two nights a week or something in between. The point here is that you’re not eliminating any one food from your diet.

The other idea behind moderation is to not feel deprived. Deprivation and restriction do not work. Because when you feel this way, it becomes really, really difficult to stick to your decisions, and practicing moderation solves for that.

When you choose a moderation approach with your trigger foods, you’re still having foods you enjoy, like pizza, or cupcakes or chips or candy. But you’re practicing eating a reasonable amount of food and not going overboard. Again, it can get a little fuzzy here, because what constitutes a reasonable amount of food is very much user dependent. But one of the key concepts to take home here, is that if you have trouble trusting yourself around certain foods and taking the moderation approach, it’s a practice and exposure. You’re exposing yourself to the foods you enjoy while practicing the behavior of eating an appropriate amount of food for you.

And there’s another nebulous word “appropriate.” What exactly is an appropriate amount of chips? Is it a serving size? Is it more, is it less? That’s totally up for debate. You get to decide when an appropriate amount is for you. Because, in relation to the potato chips as an example, depending on the serving size, you may be eating anywhere from eight- to 13-ish or more chips.

So, is that enough? Should you be guiding your eating based on the serving size, or based on what your body is telling you it needs? I would argue that it should be your body’s hunger cues that guide your eating, and not a serving size listed on the side of the container. When you practice moderation, that’s the goal. You’re practicing eating as much as your body needs, but not to excess.

Moderation also works because it implies that no food is off limits. Again, I am not here to convince you what constitutes good food or bad food. There are foods that offer more nutritional value than others. There are foods that are whole and plant based. There are foods that have been processed and ultra processed, and look nothing like anything that exists in nature.

None of these are off the table when you practice moderation. Nothing is off limits. Instead, you get to choose what, how, how often, and how much of any one food that you eat. How exactly do you eat in moderation? So, if you want to practice eating in moderation, here’s how I would suggest going about it to set yourself up for success.

First, have a plan. You know it always goes back to this, and eating in moderation is no different. You need a plan. People generally do not succeed at moderation by winging it. It’s hard to wing it around foods that trigger overeating and cause you to feel like you don’t have control. So, have a plan. Okay?

When you’re practicing the habit of eating in moderation, you have to decide in advance how you’re going to do that. I don’t recommend waiting until you’re staring at a bag of Cheetos at the end of a stressful day. Again, the whole point here is that these are trigger foods, and we want to avoid triggering episodes of overeating.

An effective way of doing this is to decide ahead of time when you will practice having these foods. And then practice honoring those decisions and eating those foods when you said you would, and not getting tripped up with a bag of Cheetos in your hand at the end of a ganky day.

Instead, plan out your meals. Plan what your snacks are going to look like. Where and when are you going to have those Cheetos? Are you having a serving with your lunch tomorrow? Are you having some with your Friday night movie? Make a plan for your meals and decide for yourself in advance where those trigger foods are going to fit in. I cannot stress enough how important this is.

The next thing you can do to practice eating in moderation, is looking at your portion sizes. Trigger foods are generally a problem because once you start, it’s hard to stop eating them and you often end up eating much more than you intended. So, if you know that once you open a bag of cookies you’ll keep coming back for more, decide that you’ll have one serving and be done with it.

Make your decision ahead of time. Do not be nebulous and tell yourself, “I’m just going to have a few.” One serving and you’re done. You get to decide what that serving size is, not the bag. Okay? Not the nutrition label.

Or if there are other foods like pasta, where you have a hard time stopping, choose smaller plates. I’ve mentioned it before, but the average dinner plate in America has most definitely increased in size from nine inches in the 1950s to on average of 11 inches or more today. So, it’s no secret that portion sizes are growing.

You can set yourself up for success by choosing smaller plates. Or if you pack your food for work, set yourself up for success by choosing smaller containers and filling them. Your brain prefers the sight of a full plate or full container, even if it’s a smaller container. What this means, is your brain feels more safety when it sees a full nine-inch plate than when it sees a 75% full 11-inch plate.

There have been studies that have evaluated satiety levels after eating from smaller but full plates, and this works. Your brain likes the sight of a full container. But you can give it the safety it needs by choosing to fill a smaller container. Okay?

So, whether it’s one handful of trail mix, smaller plates and containers, one trip to the buffet instead of two, eating half of your dish instead of the whole thing when you go out to dinner. It doesn’t matter how you slice it. All of these are a practice in managing your portion sizes.

Next, on top of considering your portion sizes, practice listening to your hunger cues. I’ve said it before, a serving size of chips is about eight to 13, depending on the chip. And while nutrition labels and serving sizes are helpful, you are not bound by them. So, just because a serving of ice cream is two thirds of a cup doesn’t mean you have to eat the entire two thirds of a cup, even if that’s what you’ve scooped out for yourself.

If that sounds really hard for you, keep listening. Imagine what it would be like to eat ice cream and decide for yourself when you’re done, instead of letting the bottom of the bowl mean you’re finished. What would it feel like to eat an amount of ice cream or pasta or cookies or bread that was enough for you instead of too much? What would it feel like to leave a little bit left on your plate if you had, in fact, decided you’ve had enough?

If you grew up in a home where it was standard that you cleaned your plate, this is going to take some practice and unlearning. If you grew up in a home where it was frowned upon to waste food, so you ate everything that was on your plate, practicing moderation will be new and different. And that’s okay.

What I will encourage you to do, in order to do this, in order to know how much is enough ice cream for you, is to get inside. I call it “staying in the game.” That means you get inside your brain and your body and figure out what satiety feels like to you.

As you’re eating your ice cream, you check in with yourself and ask: How full am I feeling? How much more of this do I need? Where am I at? Do I need to eat every last spoonful that’s in my ice cream bowl? The only way to know if you’ve had enough ice cream is to check in with yourself. Stay in the game and ask yourself the question: How full am I? Have I had enough? This is where combining these two ideas can really help you. So, I just mentioned monitoring your portion size, right? I share this, because often we tend to eat whatever is on our plate. So, taking this into consideration, I’m asking you to do both.

Take a smaller portion size, and stay in tune with your brain and your body. Put less food on your plate and keep checking in with yourself as you’re eating, so you aren’t overdoing it simply because that food is on your plate and you don’t want to waste it. Do you see how these two concepts work so well together? If you do nothing else, decreasing your portion size and asking yourself: How hungry am I, at the start of eating. And how full am I, as you’re eating. Those two things will make a big, big difference.

So, here’s the other thing I want to say about wasting food, this comes up often. So many of you, myself included, hate the idea of wasting food. It wasn’t until I learned this concept that things started to shift for me. So, here it is. Whether you throw that food in the trash, or eat it when your body doesn’t need it, either way, it’s a waste. Can you see how that is?

When you toss food in the trash, it’s gone, it’s wasted. But on the flip side, when you eat more food than your body needs, it ends up getting stored as fat, also a waste. It’s extra food that didn’t get used in the way it was intended. Because it’s not supplying you with immediate energy, so it gets stored away as fat, where it sits on your body indefinitely.

It’s a waste either way you look at it, really. And if you’re really concerned about those last bits of grilled cheese from a kid’s plate, or those last few chunks of steak, stick them in a Tupperware and put them in your fridge. You can eat them later, at a time when you are actually hungry. Okay? One other key component to eating in moderation, is to slow down. We tend to eat fast. We tend to eat while driving or in between zoom calls or on the fly between various kid’s sports practices. We tend to squeeze in eating wherever we can. But what that does is create a time crunch on you, and you may find yourself inhaling your food.

So, now take that time crunch and combine it with being hungry, and you’ve got to set up for a problem. When you slow down and chew your food, you’re giving your gut time to communicate to your brain and send out a fullness signal so you don’t overdo it. There’s anywhere from 20 to 30 minutes of delay between fullness in your gut and the sensation of it by your brain. When you slow down, you’re allowing your brain to catch up to your gut.

Last, when you’re practicing eating true foods in moderation, get rid of the distractions. Don’t try to practice moderating yourself around candy while you’re multitasking; set yourself up for success. If you know that sitting in front of the TV with chips generally results in overdoing it, don’t put yourself in that situation.

Again, this goes back to habit science. When you’re trying to undo a habit, like if you’re trying to undo over eating chips while you sit in front of the TV, then you want to make that habit as hard as possible. So, don’t sit in front of the TV. Don’t bring the bag of chips over to the couch. You need to come off autopilot if you’re going to be intentional about moderating yourself around trigger foods.

Being on autopilot is generally what leads to over eating these foods in the first place. So, I’m asking you to be very alert and conscientious of the environment where you practice moderating yourself around your trigger foods. Get the distractions, the TV, phone screens, etc., get them out of the way while you’re eating those foods.

Okay, so to review, moderation is a practice in eating certain foods without going to excess. While the term eating in moderation has no set, universally accepted definition, it can be taken to mean eating enough of what your body needs without going to excess.

That is most definitely uniquely personal, and what is moderation for one person may be excess for someone else. It works because you’re not restricting or depriving yourself, and no food is off limits. If you are someone who feels better having a moderate amount of a certain food, because it keeps you from going overboard from the feeling of restriction, then practicing moderation may be a good choice for you. It simply means you have to decide what exactly moderation is going to look like for you and then practice it. Alright?

Now, let’s talk about the idea of abstaining. So, I was familiar with the concept already, but didn’t realize it had a name until I read Gretchen Reubin’s book Better than Before. But I want to take that concept and I’m going to expand on it and give you my take here. So, abstaining, as it sounds, is choosing to avoid having your trigger food altogether.

I’ll use myself as an example, and it’s one I’ve shared with friends and clients to illustrate the idea. There is a certain trail mix I used to get from Costco. It’s a peanut butter chocolate trail mix. If I’m being real here, it’s basically candy. It’s got chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, Reese’s Pieces, many Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, peanut butter filled pretzels and peanuts.

So, for somebody who loves peanut butter, like me, you can imagine how this went. What I noticed, was that I was eating multiple handfuls of it every day; one handful would become two, then maybe third, or maybe I’d just go back and pick out all the candy pieces. It didn’t really matter. I just kept eating it.

I very clearly remember my husband marveling one day at how there was nothing but peanuts and pretzels left, and how quickly we went through the container. The truth is, there is no “we” here, it was all me. No one else was devouring that trail mix. It was all me. After are going through a number of trail mix containers that way, I made a choice. I decided that I wasn’t going to have it anymore. I decided to abstain from the trail mix.

Now, I don’t buy it. I don’t bring it into the house, because I know that if I have a little, it’s going to turn into a lot and I’m going to end up making decisions I’m not proud of. I feel just fine without the trail mix. I don’t feel deprived. I don’t feel like I’m restricting myself. I simply made a very conscious choice to not have the trail mix. I’m abstaining.

Here’s what I want to point out about the idea of abstaining. In order for abstaining from a trigger food to work, you have to know yourself. You have to know and believe that you are choosing not to have your trigger food from a clean space of knowing yourself. And you have to know, deep down, that you are not restricting or purposely depriving yourself.

Because this is not about restricting or depriving, this is about knowing full well that you absolutely can have whatever food you want but you’re choosing not to have it. Do you see that? I think there’s a big difference here and it is so, so important to understand. You’ve heard me say this before, but restriction and deprivation don’t work.

That’s not what abstaining is. Instead, abstaining is making a deliberate choice, knowing that you have free will and ultimately can eat or not eat whatever you want, and you’re simply exercising your choice to not have this food. There is a big difference between ‘I can’t, or I shouldn’t have that,’ and trying to abstain from that mentality. Versus, ‘I am choosing not to have that,’ and abstaining from that mentality.

“Can’t” and “shouldn’t” imply an outside force acting on you. It implies that there’s something or someone telling you, “Hey, don’t eat that trail mix.” It’s like an outside rule, from somewhere else, that you’re imposing on yourself. And that’s often where the feeling of restriction and deprivation settles in. But choosing not to, that’s not an outside force. That’s coming from inside.

That’s you making a conscientious, intentional decision. It is so very important to understand. When you choose to practice abstaining from a trigger food, in order for it to work, you have to truly believe that you can absolutely have the food, nothing is off limits. But you are choosing not to. You’re making a choice not to have the food; those are very different.

And it’s the difference between succeeding at abstaining, versus succumbing to the feeling of restriction and deprivation. It all comes down to knowing who you are, how you operate, and making decisions from a clean place, with self-kindness in mind. All right?

So, how do you practice abstaining? It’s fairly straightforward. You make one decision; I am choosing not to eat the chips anymore. Then, you practice following it. I may be oversimplifying, but really, when I was putting this all together, I couldn’t come up with anything fancier. You decide, I am choosing not to have these chips anymore, and then you practice carrying out your decision.

It may mean that you no longer buy the chips. Or it may mean that if you have them in the house, you just don’t eat them. So, now, if you’re thinking, what about my family? What about my kids? What about the other people who live in my house? What if I decide not to eat the chips, but the chips are still in my house and my family still eat them? I got you, stay with me here, okay?

I know I gave you the example before, of the trail mix that I don’t buy anymore, but there are other foods like potato chips that we have in our house occasionally, and I just don’t eat them. There are granola bars in our house that our kids may eat every now and then, and I choose not to have them. I don’t feel restricted. I don’t have to grit my teeth and hold my breath every time I open the pantry and see those granola bars or those bags of chips.

I know that those are foods I am choosing not to eat, and I feel good about my choice. There is no deprivation or restriction involved. Again, that decision is coming from a clean, real, true, honest place. It’s coming from me, and I’m making that decision because I don’t want to go down the spiral of over-desiring those foods.

At the same time, I know that if I really wanted a chocolate chip granola bar, I can have it. But I’m choosing not to. And because I feel really good about that decision, seeing those foods in my house isn’t an issue. I made my one decision, and I’ve eliminated the need to make any more decisions about the chips. It can be the same for you too.

Alright, so why does abstaining work for some people? Part of it is about making decisions. So, think about it. When you decide that you’re going to abstain from a trigger food, you make one decision; I will no longer eat the peanut butter chocolate trail mix. That’s it. It’s one decision.

And then, if I’m at Costco, I walk past the trail mix. I don’t think about whether I should or shouldn’t buy it. I don’t think about how I can have a little without going overboard. I don’t have to think about how many nights I will allow myself to have it. No, I made my choice, and then I carry it out. I decided not to decide anymore.

I decided that it is easier for me to skip the trail mix all together than to try moderating myself. It was not worth the mental energy for me to practice moderating and repeatedly decide, is today a day I’m going to moderate myself around the trail mix? Do these two Reese’s pieces that I just plucked from the container, do they count as a serving or is that just a bonus? Have I moderated enough today?

I didn’t want to spend my brain energy thinking about the trail mix, and I decided that I am totally good without it. On the flip side, when you choose to practice moderation, you will need to make more frequent decisions. You will need to decide what constitutes moderation for you, and then you have to carry it out. As an example, if you decide you’re going to practice moderation around dessert, and you’re choosing to limit yourself to two desserts per week, you will be faced with subsequent decisions. You’ll need to decide what nights of the week.

You’ll also have to decide what to do when you’re out with friends and they decide to order dessert, but you’ve already had your two desserts for the week. You have to decide, when does it really count? And when is it okay to veer from the plan you made for yourself?

This isn’t a good thing or a bad thing. It’s just the task that comes with moderation. It means making decisions, and continually making decisions, and then holding yourself accountable to them repeatedly. Whereas with abstaining, it often comes down to deciding once and then you’ve decided not to decide anymore. So, how do you know which is the right approach for you? If you’re someone who, if by having a little bit of an indulgence every now and then keeps you on track and keeps you from going off your plan altogether, or if you’re someone who does not like the idea of an absolute, self-imposed guideline, or if the idea of not having something makes you anxious, then practicing moderation likely makes sense for you.

On the other hand, if you’re someone who has trouble controlling yourself around certain foods, and you feel that once you start eating it it’s hard to stop, or if deciding not to have something once strengthens you and takes away the mental burden of having to decide repeatedly, then abstaining may be an option for you.

Again, when I say this, your decision to abstain is coming from a clean place of knowing yourself and being kind to yourself. You are not forcing yourself into anything. You will know if deciding to abstain is right for you by how you feel. If you make the decision to abstain and it feels strained, stressed, urgent, or graspy, then that would make me wonder if you’re choosing to abstain from a place of restriction and deprivation.

That’s not what we’re aiming for here. I’m not looking for you to feel like you’re restricting yourself. I want to make that crystal clear. If, however, you can make the choice to abstain and feel calm, confident, reassured and peaceful, then it may be a worthwhile option for you.

I want to bring this all home to say, there is no one right answer, okay? There is no one right way to do this, no matter what anyone tells you. Moderation works. It works for a lot of people. It does not work for others. And abstaining works for some people. It does not work for others. You may even take a different approach, depending on the food. You may choose to abstain from one food, like the trail mix, and choose to practice moderating yourself around another food, like pizza. There are no rules here. Okay? Let me repeat that, there are no rules here.

You know yourself better than anyone else. You know how you operate and function best. And because of that, you get to be the one to decide if practicing moderation and learning how to eat without going to excess, or if practicing abstaining and deciding once not to have something, makes the most sense for you. You have your answers. No one else does. All right?

And if you need help finding those answers, let’s talk. When you coach with me, we create a plan with your unique preferences in mind so that your habits stick, with no deprivation or restriction. Check out my website. Go to www.CarrieHollandMD.com/contact. Send me a message. Let’s get started.

All right, thank you for hanging out with me, and I’ll catch you again next week. If you like what you’ve been hearing, please review the show. I would love to get your feedback and ideas. Your suggestions have inspired episodes and will help me make the show better for you. And share this podcast with a friend, text a show link, share a screenshot, or post a link to the show on your social media. Be sure to tag me @CarrieHollandMD on either Instagram or Facebook, so I can follow along and engage with you.

This is how we get the word out to other working moms who want to feel strong, inside and out. If you know someone who wants to feel better or eat and move differently but she is too tired or too busy, it is time to change things up. And you know, making that change starts with how you think. And that is what we do here on the Strong as a Working Mom podcast. I’ll see you next week.

Thanks for listening to Strong as a Working Mom. If you want more information on how to eat, move, and think, so you can live in the body you want, with the mind to match, visit me at CarrieHollandMD.com.