Ep #142: How Transforming Your Habits Transforms You: A Client Success Story

This is the Strong Is a Mindset podcast, Episode #142. If you want to know what to expect beyond the physical when you change your habits, keep listening.

This is the Strong Is a Mindset podcast, where you’ll learn how to build both a strong body and a strong mind by eating, moving, and thinking. I’m your host Physician, Personal Trainer, Certified Health Coach and Certified Life Coach, Carrie Holland.

Hey, how are you? What’s new? What’s good? So what’s good here? We are going to talk about what benefits you get beyond the obvious when you do the real, legitimate, hard work of changing your life and changing your habits.

So this episode is entirely inspired by a recent session I had with a client. She has made a ton of progress, not just physically, but also in her mindset. And I want to highlight all of that in this episode. So when we first started working together, she was already exercising and eating pretty well, but she wanted her efforts to be more directed and she wanted to have a targeted plan to help her get lean and also put on muscle.

So her goal, in her own words, was to learn how to eat to optimize her body composition while still maintaining joy around food. And she was very specific that she wanted to do it in such a way that she didn’t get too stressed out about it. So mission accepted and we got to work.

We took a close look at her diet and made some adjustments to optimize her protein intake. We also made sure that she was eating enough food to ensure that she was both fueling her workouts and fueling the muscle-building process because there’s a fine balance to strike when you’re trying to lose weight and build muscle at the same time.

So we changed a few details, had her in a slight caloric deficit and increased her protein to optimize her diet. And then over time, we also adjusted her strength training. She had at one point been doing largely Peloton strength training workouts, which were super helpful and got her to a certain level of strength. But she recognized the limitations that a 30-minute guided workout class would have and knew that if she wanted to build more muscle, she would need to change something.

So that’s what we did. She followed a strength training plan that I wrote for her and she went after it, like for real. This was a four-day training plan, alternating upper body and lower body workouts that included multiple compound multi-joint exercises and was designed for progressive overload. So she took those workouts and logged her progress. She kept track of the weights that she lifted and she tried to best herself and she’s crushing it.

She is making gains in the gym. She’s noticing visible change in her musculature. And she recently did a body composition analysis and her percent body fat has dropped and she’s gaining muscle. So by all outward measures, she’s succeeding. In fact, she’s crushing it. And that is so awesome.

And so now, while I just shared all of that, there is more, it gets even better. Because what I just shared was the how. I just explained how she made her physical transformation. And it’s not wild. She ate more protein. She ate in a slight caloric deficit. She got more focused and intentional with her strength training. And all of those things made up her process.

And so while those are the specific strategies my client used to transform her body, what I really wanna dive into today is how she changed her thinking. I want you to understand the mindset shifts that she made in order to have the level of success that she’s had, because those mindset shifts are not changes you’ll see in a mirror. But in all honesty, those mindset shifts are even more impactful than how she changed her physique.

So often we focus on the physical results, the pounds lost, the change in percent body fat, the gain in lean muscle mass, the waist size, the pant size. And it makes sense because those are all tangible, numeric results that are easy to wrap our brains around. But the real transformation going on here is so much deeper than that.

Because if you’ve ever set a goal, whether that’s to lose weight, build muscle, stop overeating, start exercising, or just show up differently in your life, you know that change is about so much more than just doing things differently. Transformation is about becoming someone different. It’s about taking on a different identity. And that’s where we’re going today.

I wanna talk with you about what that actually looks like, not just from my own perspective, but through the lens of someone I’m working with who has done and really is still doing the work. So in this episode I want to share with you how this client has made incredible changes not just in her body but more importantly in her identity and how she sees herself.

And my goal is to show you what is possible beyond the physical transformation when you change your habits. Because here’s the thing, when you commit to change, remember that the benefits extend far beyond what you see in the mirror.

So yes, the physical results matter, and yes, they’re often the first thing we notice, but what really makes the difference is how you feel, how you think, and how you show up for yourself. Because the deeper work, the real work, is in the shifts that happen in your brain. And that’s exactly what I want to talk you through today. How change is about more than just food and exercise, but about reshaping your identity from the inside out. So let’s go.

So one of the questions I asked my client was pretty specific. I asked her to take a step back and really reflect on what had changed for her beyond her physical transformation. So I wanted her to go beyond the surface level and really see the work she had done. I wanted her to acknowledge her habits, but also the mindset shifts that made these habits stick in the first place.

So when I asked what changed for her, her answer was, I’m more focused now. I realize now it’s okay to make decisions that align with my goals. And I gave myself permission to say no.

So before I go any further, I have to stop right there because her response and what she observed about herself is huge. So many of us struggle to say no, whether that’s saying no to someone pushing food on you, someone trying to convince you to stay out late, even though you know it will result in you sleeping through your morning workout, or someone asking you to split a sundae as big as your face when it’s not part of your plan. And there are many other examples that my clients have shared with me just like this.

An underlying theme is that so many of you feel like you have to justify your diet and exercise choices to other people. And then on top of that, you may feel like you have to apologize for those choices and for prioritizing yourself. But we need to unravel and put a stop to that ASAP, okay?

And why is this so important? Well, remember that every time you say yes to something that does not align with your goals, whether that’s eating the sundae, skipping your workout out of guilt, or over-committing either your time or your energy, you are effectively saying no to yourself and you’re reinforcing the idea that other people’s needs, wants, expectations, and opinions are more important than your own.

And over time that chips away at your self-trust and confidence, but is that really what you want? Because here’s the shift that needs to happen. You do not need permission to prioritize yourself. You do not need to justify why you’re making a choice that supports your well-being.

You do not owe anyone an explanation, whether that’s saying no thank you to a dessert at a party, setting a boundary with a friend or family member, or making time for your workout, even when things at home and work are busy. Those choices are valid for the mere fact that they serve you. That’s it.

Okay, let me say that again. Your choices are valid because they serve you and they serve your wellbeing. No further explanation or justification needed. And the more you reinforce that belief, the easier it becomes to make choices that align with what you really want.

So please remember, as my client did, choosing to take care of yourself is not selfish. In fact, it’s an enormous act of self-respect. And the more you practice owning your authority and saying no, the more you will find that the people who support you don’t need an explanation. They don’t need an apology or a justification. In fact, those people will be cheering you on and those are your people. Your people will respect your decisions because you respect them.

And so this is what separates people who succeed in their transformation from those who struggle. The people who make lasting change do not wait for permission. They do not wait for external validation from their friends or their family. Instead, they decide that they deserve to live in alignment with their goals, and then they act accordingly, without hesitation and without apology.

So if you’ve ever felt like you have to explain why you’re skipping the cake or why you’re leaving early so you can get to the gym for your workout or why you’re setting a boundary to protect your progress, please remind yourself of this. You do not owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself. The only approval and the only permission you need to take care of yourself is your own.

So beyond giving permission to take care of herself, another change that happened for my client was the realization that in the past, she felt totally out of control when she was outside of her usual environment.

So she explained that if she was outside her home, or if she was in an environment where there was food that she hadn’t planned for, she felt like she had no way of coping. She felt powerless. And part of that came from the identity that she believed about herself. She explained that she had built an identity around being someone who couldn’t say no when she was in a social setting. Someone who couldn’t stick to a plan when she was outside her usual environment.

If there were treats around that she normally didn’t have, she felt like she had to eat them. If she was surrounded by friends or family who were indulging, she felt pressure, whether that was real or self-created, to join in. If the environment or if the situation did not align with her plans, she felt like she had no way of coping. And to be clear, this was not about the food. It was about how she saw herself.

So she said it. She said, “I thought I was someone who couldn’t exercise discipline and couldn’t say no. And if the food was there, I had to have it.” And so here is the change she made. This is the shift that changed everything for her. She realized that she actually had what it takes within her to make the choices she wanted to make, even when she was not in her usual environment.

So to be clear, her change was not about white-knuckling through deprivation. It was not about mustering willpower. Instead, it was about seeing herself differently. It was about recognizing that she had agency over her decisions no matter the circumstances. And that is huge.

She stopped blaming her circumstances for her choices. She stopped blaming being at a party for her choice to eat all the cake. She stopped blaming being with her extended family for eating all the takeout and not even considering an alternative like a salad. She stopped blaming her circumstances and instead owned her decisions.

She said it. She said, “I used to think that if I was in an environment I couldn’t control, I wouldn’t be able to say no, that I just wasn’t that kind of person. So I really had to change my thinking.”

Yes! And that’s it. That’s where the real transformation is. Changing your thinking, not just changing your habits. My client realized that just because she was around food didn’t mean she had to eat the food. Just because other people were making different choices didn’t mean that she had to follow suit. And most importantly, she realized that making a choice that aligned with her goals was not weird, it was not rude, and it was not wrong.

She stopped framing food as something that she was either allowed or not allowed to have. She stopped giving circumstances like being out of her usual environment the power to dictate her choices. She stopped identifying as someone who couldn’t say no. And she started seeing herself as someone who had control.

Because here’s the thing, when you think of yourself as someone who always gives in, you will always give in. When you think of yourself as someone who struggles, you will struggle. But when you start to believe that you do have control, that is when things change.

And so for my client, when this shift happened, she started making choices from a place of confidence and control instead of from a place of fear. She didn’t feel deprived because she wasn’t taking anything away from herself and was instead choosing what she did and did not want. She didn’t have to fight so hard to stick to her plan because her plan aligned with the person that she was becoming and it became more natural to follow through.

And that right there is the ultimate shift. When you stop seeing yourself as someone who is trying to change and start seeing yourself as someone who already changed, the struggle lessens. You stop calling on willpower. You stop negotiating with yourself. You stop rationalizing yourself out of your own progress, and instead you just live in alignment with who you are. And while that’s what my client found, that is exactly what I want for you too.

Another realization that helped my client transform was the understanding that she had been giving too much weight to other people’s opinions. So she said it straight out. She admitted that for a long time, she was worried about being the weird one who wasn’t eating what everyone else was eating. She was nervous about sticking out by making choices that were different. And she was concerned that people might notice and then judge or even question her.

But here’s what she realized and she said it herself. No one actually cares. She said, “I was so worried about what other people would think and then I realized no one is paying attention. No one cares if I skip the cake.”

“No one is watching what I put on my plate like I thought they were.” And that was incredibly freeing for her. Once she let go of that fear, she found it so much easier to make the choices that she actually wanted to make. She didn’t have to explain why she was skipping the cookies. She didn’t have to explain why she ate the same breakfast every day. She just did what worked for her without apology and without hesitation.

And here’s why this is so essential. When you stop making decisions based on what you’re afraid other people might think, you regain your authority. If you are constantly looking for approval or if you’re constantly trying to fit in, you’re not really living for yourself. Instead, you’re outsourcing your decisions to the comfort of social acceptance, and that can hold you back in a big way.

Because when you start living in alignment with your goals, people will have opinions. Someone might make a comment about your food choices. Someone might ask why you’re skipping drinks. But here’s what you have to know. That’s their discomfort, not yours. Okay?

Remember, most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to pay attention to what you’re doing. Most people are too worried about themselves to scrutinize what you’re eating. And if those people do notice, their opinion does not have to change your goals. Their thoughts do not need to dictate your choices. And when you realize that, but then also put it into practice by doing what you really want to do, regardless of other people’s opinions. That is when your world opens up.

So the key takeaway here, you don’t have to justify your decisions. You don’t have to explain why you’re skipping dessert. You don’t have to defend leaving early to get your workout in. You are allowed to make choices that serve you. And in general, no one cares. And if they do have a problem with your choice, remember that is their problem and not yours.

This was a huge shift for my client. When she stopped fearing judgment, she felt lighter. She made decisions more easily. She stopped hesitating. And instead of feeling weird, she felt empowered because she was finally putting herself first and doing what she needed to do to take care of herself. And again, that’s what I want for you too. When you fully own your decisions and stop filtering them through the lens of other people’s opinions, everything changes.

You claim your authority. You evolve into the version of yourself that truly is in control. You don’t need anyone’s approval to take care of yourself. The only person you’re answering to is you.

And now here is something else that’s super important to understand. When my client was sharing all of these mindset shifts that she made, she was very clear that this did not happen overnight. So she said it specifically, this did not happen in eight weeks. These changes happened over months and even years. She was very specific in explaining that in order to achieve her goal, it was through small daily changes and that process is slow.

So let’s dive into that because this comes up commonly. So often I have clients who get frustrated a few weeks in because they feel they’re doing the work, but where are the results?

And they are doing the work. They’re making plans for themselves. They’re changing the makeup of their meals. They’re taking time to exercise. But those changes don’t just happen overnight. They don’t happen without some stumbles along the way.

I’ve said it many times. The process of habit change is like strength training. You have to put in your reps in order to get there. This is not one and done, okay? Changing your habits takes practice, it takes progress, and it takes messing up and trying again. And all of that takes time.

And the same is true for your mindset. My client did not just wake up one day with a whole new mindset. She didn’t just suddenly think differently and automatically have better habits to go with it. She built that muscle, literally and figuratively, little by little. And part of that process for her was unlearning some long-held beliefs that she had grown up with.

So she had explained in her family, the message was always, you’ve got to starve yourself to be skinny. That was what she had been conditioned to think. And with that belief, it is no wonder she struggled. And she realized it in real time. She realized that restricting and depriving herself and trying to eat as little as possible just did not work. So she had to be willing to let that go. But it was not easy to let go of those beliefs and it certainly did not happen overnight.

So my client said it so well, I want to repeat her words here. She said it, “You have to be willing to let go of what you thought you knew.” That is huge. You have to be willing to let go of what you thought you knew. And that is exactly what she did. She let go of the idea that you have to starve yourself. She let go of the idea that the only way to be thin was to be miserable and deprived. She let it all go. And in that process she built a new identity with a new set of beliefs to go with it.

So here’s the truth. Your old self is really a collection of habits and beliefs. And if you wanna change, if you want a new identity, a new self-concept, and a new set of beliefs, you have to be willing to question the old ones. You have to be willing to let those beliefs die out.

You have to stop believing that the only way to change is by being miserable. You have to stop believing that the only way to change is to rip off the band-aid and overhaul your life all at once. You have to stop believing that the results are only temporary and that you have to do this all perfectly.

And the way to do this and to change those beliefs is by showing yourself compassion. So that part’s not easy, and it wasn’t easy for my client, but she’s doing it. Again, this was not an overnight shift, and she’s working on being kinder towards herself, especially when she messes up. And she said it so well, I don’t let any one decision make me feel bad about myself.

Now we talk about this often here, so let me reiterate. No one decision about your diet or exercise is going to make or break you. There is no one decision that will ruin your progress other than the decision to quit and give up on yourself.

So what typically happens is that you make a choice that’s not in line with your plan, then you tell yourself, I blew it, and you head into a downward spiral until you get sick of it and start all over again, rinse and repeat. But instead of going through the emotional rollercoaster that the on again, off again, all or nothing mindset brings, what if you really practice believing that no one decision defines you? That’s what my client did.

She reminded herself and still reminds herself that no one decision is a deal breaker. She doesn’t let herself go down a rabbit hole. She doesn’t go on a downward spiral. Instead, she makes her next decision something she’s proud of. That’s it. Eyes forward. No beating herself up. No giving up. Just moving forward.

So one of the other things that came up for my client was the idea of success. So when we were talking through all of the things that she put in place and then I listed them back to her, I just asked her, do you feel successful? And her answer was just so good. She said, yes, because I’m not going to stop.

So let me make something clear. My client has not hit her goal yet. And this is not a number on the scale that I’m talking about. She has some physique goals that are not gonna be measured by a number on the scale, and she’s not quite there yet. But her response made it clear, both to herself and to me as her coach, she’s not done yet. She went on to say, I’m not gonna stop. I will keep trying and I will keep tweaking.

So this right here is what it’s all about. So many people see success as reaching the final goal, but my client hasn’t hit her goal yet, and yet she still feels successful because she’s seen that success is not about reaching a finish line. She knows that she’s not going to wake up one day and be all done, and she trusts herself to keep going. She’s willing to stay in the process because this process has become her new lifestyle.

So if you want to succeed, like my client is succeeding, consider how willing you are to keep learning, to keep adjusting, to keep going, even when it’s not perfect, because it’s never perfect, okay? If you’re willing to keep going, no matter what, then you will succeed. And honestly, that’s it. That is redefining success right there.

It’s not about reaching the goal because there’s no one day at which you arrive. Instead, when you take on this work, like my client did, you’ll see the success is really about staying in the process, adjusting when needed and moving forward after setbacks, even if it feels hard. That is the real work right there.

And so the real measure of transformation here is not just about hitting a goal weight, fitting into smaller clothes, or seeing a lower number on the scale. Instead, it’s about no longer fearing setbacks and knowing that one misstep does not undo all of your progress.

It’s about trusting yourself to figure things out instead of feeling paralyzed by indecision or frustration. It’s about walking into situations that you cannot fully control, like social events, work gatherings, or vacations, feeling confident in your ability to make decisions that align with your goals without anxiety or regret.

True transformation is when you stop relying on external circumstances to determine whether or not you’re successful. And instead, you develop the self-trust to manage whatever comes your way. When you have those things, that’s when you’ll know that you’ve really changed, not just on the outside, but on the inside.

So as I heard my client talk through all of this, and as I was cataloging in my head all of the victories that she was listing off, I told her how awesome it was. I shared how thrilled I was, not for me as her coach, but for her, that she was willing to dive in and do the hard stuff in order to change her thinking. And then I just asked her, I said, okay, it seems like you’ve mastered this. You’ve got it figured out. So what’s next?

And her answer, just keep going, keep leveling up. And honestly, I could not have hoped for a better answer for her. This was such a great response. Because real change is not about hitting a goal and stopping. It’s not about checking a box and declaring all done. And she saw that. She saw that change is not a one-time event. It’s a lifestyle. It’s a continuous process of evolution and growth.

The habits she’s built, the mindset she’s developed, and that self-trust that she’s created, they don’t have an expiration date. They’re not something she’s going to abandon once she reaches a certain body composition. Instead, her response showed that she’s playing the long game. She’s committed to pushing herself, to learning, to growing, to seeing just how much more she can do and how much more she can become. And again, that is what I want for you too. If you’ve built these habits, if you’ve made these changes, the next step is to keep going.

The next step is to keep refining, keep challenging yourself, keep finding new ways to make the work of changing your life even more sustainable and more enjoyable. And so that was what I asked her. I asked her if there was anything else that can make her journey more enjoyable? Her answer, more chocolate. And I absolutely love this because it was honest and it was real.

So here’s something I want you to know. This client has worked it out so that she has a little piece of chocolate every day. So hear me, she has lost weight, she’s built muscle, and she’s changed her body composition, and she eats a piece of chocolate every day. And the takeaway from this is twofold.

One, the reality is that success does not have to be miserable. You do not have to deprive yourself, punish yourself, or make every aspect of your health and fitness journey feel like a grind. There’s room for balance. There’s room for enjoyment. There is room for chocolate.

In fact, if you love chocolate, then we have to find a way for that to fit into your life or else this does not last. Because remember, you can’t go through this process feeling all deprived and restricted because that just does not work.

Two, yes, you could have more chocolate if you really wanted it. So my client was laughing when she answered my question because she knows that she could have more chocolate, but she won’t because that’s not going to get her any closer to her goals. So her answer reflects acknowledgement that she does in fact want the chocolate, she wants treats, and she has a choice, and she has figured out a way to have that chocolate without going overboard.

And I’m with her on that. I would love to eat more cookies and pastries than I do. I would love to eat more chocolate and especially more peanut butter than I do, but I’m not going to. I practice having it in moderation and I practice having treats like baked goods without it becoming a food bender.

And if you practice this too, you’ll realize that nothing is off limits. You’ll realize that there is a place for treats. There is room for food you enjoy. There is room for indulgence. And there is room for the flexibility that makes this lifestyle doable. And that’s the real lesson here.

When you shift from seeing health, fitness and strength as a temporary, restrictive phase, to seeing it as an integrated, sustainable way of living, then you’ll see there’s no need for extremes. You don’t have to go off the rails and devour loads of chocolate because you practice having it in moderation and making it no big deal. You show yourself that you can be both committed and flexible. You can be disciplined and joyful. You can work hard and you can have your chocolate too.

So if you’re listening to this and you’re hearing my client’s story, and if you’re wondering what it really takes to change, here’s what I want you to know as she retold it to me. The real work of change starts in your mind.

Her exact words summed it up so well. She said it. She said, “I am so far from the person I used to be.” But to do that, you have to change your beliefs and then you have to change your habits. What you look like on the inside and outside is a product of what you’ve been doing for the last decade and that old you is a collection of habits and you can change them. So good.

So, please remember that mastering the process of change is not about reaching the finish line. It’s really about embracing the mindset of continuous improvement, letting it be imperfect, and staying in the game. And here’s a big takeaway. The best indicator of success is not just hitting a certain weight, lifting a certain amount, or sticking to a perfect plan. It’s developing trust in yourself. It’s knowing that no matter what obstacles come up, no matter what curveballs life throws at you, you will figure it out.

When you build that self-trust, the work stops feeling like a struggle. It stops being about willpower because it becomes second nature. And that’s what I want for you. To feel confident that you can navigate challenges, make choices that serve you, and keep going even when things aren’t perfect.

And if you want help with this, let’s go. When you coach with me, you’ll not only change your habits, you’ll also change how you think, and I’ll help you do both. Check out my website, send me a message at carriehollandmd.com/contact, and let’s talk about how coaching has the capacity to change your life. Thank you again for hanging out with me and I’ll catch you again next week.

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Hey if you want to build muscle but don’t know where to start, I’ve got you covered. Head over to CarrieHollandMD.com/buildstrength and download my free guide to help you maximize your strength training. Inside, you’ll find the essential exercises for building muscle, plus simple one, two, and three-day workout plans you can follow with just dumbbells and a bench.

You’ll also find strength training tips to help you train smarter and see real results. My goal is to help you get strong and this strength-training guide will help you do it. Go to CarrieHollandMD.com/build strength and check it out.

Thank you for listening to the Strong Is a Mindset podcast. If you want to learn more about how to build both a strong mind and a strong body by eating, moving, and most importantly, thinking, check out CarrieHollandMD.com.