Ep #133: How to Lose Weight without Being Hungry and Miserable

This is the Strong is a Mindset podcast, episode number 133. If you’re trying to lose weight, make it less challenging with these tools.

This is the Strong Is a Mindset podcast, where you’ll learn how to build both a strong body and a strong mind by eating, moving, and thinking. I’m your host Physician, Personal Trainer, Certified Health Coach and Certified Life Coach, Carrie Holland.

Hey, how are you? What’s new? What’s good? So what’s good here? We are gonna talk about how to make weight loss stink less today. And yes, I know that may be a funky way of putting it, but honestly,

I think it kind of hits the nail on the head. I wanna be real with you and simply state that weight loss can be hard, it can be uncomfortable and frustrating, but at the same time, it does not have to feel impossible. And that’s why we’re here, to address these challenges face on, to make the process less miserable and more manageable.

So losing weight means that you will likely feel hungry at some point. That is the reality of being in a calorie deficit. Hunger does not feel great, but I want you to know that up front so you can prepare for it and have realistic expectations. And hunger is a normal response when you’re eating fewer calories than your body uses. It’s biology. But here’s the thing, knowing this ahead of time, it puts you in a position of power because it gives you the opportunity to plan for it.

So here’s where I’m going today. We are gonna unpack why being in a calorie deficit can feel hard, and then I’m gonna offer you strategies to make it more sustainable and less unpleasant. I want you to walk away with tools and insights and concepts to help you navigate weight loss with more confidence and less frustration.

So now as a reminder, remember what is actually happening in your body when you lose weight. So when you’re in a calorie deficit, meaning you consume fewer calories than you burn, your body starts tapping into its reserves, primarily in the form of fat. And so that’s how fat loss happens. But here’s the thing, weight loss doesn’t just come from fat. It also includes some muscle loss. And that is where things get complicated.

So your body doesn’t just burn fat because your brain requires glucose as a primary source of energy and fat can’t provide that. So as a result, your body might also start breaking down muscle to create that energy. And you don’t get to control how much of your weight loss comes from fat or comes from muscle.

So how much muscle you lose depends on factors like genetics, ethnicity, gender, baseline fat mass, how much weight you lose, your level of physical activity and your diet. This is why strength training and adequate protein intake are essential during weight loss. Of everything that I listed, strength training and protein intake are the two factors you can control to minimize muscle loss while maximizing fat loss.

But let’s take it a step back. Why is this so important? Why does it even matter? Because understanding the how of weight loss, or really fat loss, both what’s happening in your body and what you can do to influence it, that can help you feel more in control of the process. And that sense of control can make the journey less daunting.

So here’s the truth. Even with the best strategies, weight loss still can feel hard. You may feel hunger, you may feel cravings, you may feel low energy at times, but what you do and more importantly, how you think in response to those challenges, that is what’s going to make all the difference.

So I’m going to approach this in two parts. I want you to walk away with practical strategies that you can start implementing now to make this easier. So that, that is the how, and I want you to have the how for sure. But then beyond the how and the strategies that you can use to make being in a calorie deficit less difficult, we’re gonna dive a little deeper.

We’re gonna go beyond strategies to get into the mindset and the brain work that really matter when you’re trying to lose weight. Because while I want you to have the how and have the strategies and the actions that will make losing weight less challenging, that is only a small piece of this puzzle. Getting into a calorie deficit is more than taking action. It is a lot more than taking action. You probably know that already.

And that is why “eat less, move more” sounds nice in theory, but does not really translate well to reality. “Eat less, move more.” That is all action. And if it was that easy and we didn’t have to think and we didn’t have to worry about our brains creating all kinds of stories and getting in our way, well, we’d all be walking around super fit and jacked. But that is not the reality because losing weight is more than taking action. It’s thinking too.

So we need to go beyond the how and get into the deeper level stuff so you can make losing weight less of an uphill battle. And that is what I’m going to do today. I’m going to equip you with both the skills or the how and the mindset you need to make losing weight and being in a calorie deficit possible. All right, so let’s go.

Okay, so the first and probably most obvious reason that getting into a calorie deficit might be hard is because of hunger. You might be concerned about what the feeling of hunger is going to be like for you. Maybe you have never let yourself feel truly hungry and you wouldn’t be alone. We live in a world where food is at our fingertips, three meals and two snacks a day. That is the cultural norm for many of us. And we use food for everything, to manage hunger, to manage emotions, to manage boredom.

So it may be totally foreign to you to experience true physical hunger. And we also live in a world where indulgence and treating yourself is baked into our lives through TV, social media, and marketing. Our world and capitalism and the food industry, they all depend on us indulging and never being hungry so that we’re always eating.

So to put yourself in a calorie deficit and to practice not eating at the drop of a hat, well, that may feel totally foreign to you and it may be disconcerting to you. And besides the cultural and societal implications of this, there’s also just straight biology to your hunger. If you do not eat enough food, your hunger hormones are gonna send all kinds of signals to get you to start eating.

And beyond what your hormones do, you’re probably not gonna feel awesome when you are in a true, legitimate, sustained calorie deficit. Meaning, if you take your calorie deficit too low, you are going to get hungry, like really hungry, and it’s not gonna feel good. You may notice excessive hunger, fatigue, irritability, constipation, feeling cold, and that is not at all what we’re aiming for here.

So when you take in too little energy, you might start to feel like you’re walking through mud. You might feel like everything is slowing down. You may feel mentally foggy. And if you’ve ever been there, or if you’ve ever experienced that during a previous diet, then it would make sense that you would be hesitant to try again.

It would make sense that you would be nervous about getting into a calorie deficit because it doesn’t feel good to be overly hungry. So what do you do to avoid this? And the simplest answer here is to make sure you create a moderate calorie deficit, okay? And that means you don’t aggressively cut your calories so low that you get overly hungry and your diet becomes unsustainable, okay?

And I know that may seem fairly obvious, but I will keep shouting it from the rooftops because I have too many women coming to me trying to eat as little calories as possible to hurry up and lose the weight already. And it doesn’t matter how many times she’s done it. It doesn’t matter if she’s overly restricted her calories only to rebound repeatedly for the last 10 or more years. She’ll think she needs to do it again. But that approach just does not work, okay?

Aggressive calorie restriction will cause you to feel terrible. You will be overly hungry and you will not be able to hold it out for the long term. And it will wreak havoc on your metabolism when you eventually rebound and overeat. So an extreme deficit is most definitely not the answer.

Instead, the answer is to aim for a moderate, but not an extreme calorie deficit. And this is instead of making a blanket statement of cutting your calories by 500, which for most people is going to be too much. For most people, that is gonna be too much of a deficit to sustain for the long term.

So instead, aim for a 10 to 20% reduction in your overall intake. A 10 to 20% calorie deficit will feel much less harsh, it will feel less extreme, and most importantly, it will be more sustainable. So remember, your body does not like extremes, okay? You can try to force an extreme caloric restriction, but eventually most people will crack because your body is wired to want food.

Your body will fight you tooth and nail if you try to eat too little, and your brain and your hormones will send out all kinds of alarm signals and tell you to eat. And your body and biology will eventually win out over you. So please, please, please do not go the extreme route. Go for a moderate deficit of 10 to 20% and practice sticking with that.

And the other and more important piece to address here is this, pay attention to your hunger. Pay attention, all right?

So here is a general rule of thumb. If you are always hungry, that is likely because you’re cutting your calories too low. And if you’re never hungry, then you’re probably not in enough of a consistent calorie deficit and your weight loss will likely slow or stall altogether.

Now, to be fair, there is no hard and fast rule on this. I cannot tell you, hey, you should feel hungry for this long on this many days of the week and that will lead you to weight loss. It’s like workout soreness. I can’t tell you how much soreness is too much or how much is not enough. There’s a fine balance here. But if you are always hungry, we’ve got a problem. And if you are never hungry, you’re probably not gonna make much progress on your weight loss.

And here is one other super important point to remember. And I’m gonna put in a disclaimer here that this does not apply to people who are dealing with disordered eating or an eating disorder, okay? This does not apply. But what I want to point out here is this, mild hunger is not an emergency, okay?

So let me explain exactly what I mean by this because I do not want to be misunderstood. I do not want you walking around trying to see how long you can go or how little you can eat all day and still withstand the hunger. God, no, that is not at all what I’m suggesting here.

But at the same time, I also want you to realize that you do not have to rush to eat every time you feel a pang of hunger. There’s a big, big difference. And if you’ve ever let yourself get truly physically hungry, you know what I’m talking about.

True physical hunger comes and goes in waves. It usually starts out subtle with some stomach growling and then it goes away. And then after a while, it comes back. And your hunger will do this in waves of slowly increasing intensity. Your body will send you hunger signals to tell you, hey, it’s time to eat. It starts out mild, and then it increases in intensity.

And I bring this up simply to point out that you do not need to stop everything you’re doing at the very first sign of hunger and eat. You can take time to notice it and pay attention to it and observe what real hunger actually feels like for you. And here’s why this is important.

If you have very little practice in feeling hungry, it’s gonna feel weird to you. But the reason I want you to know what true, real, physical hunger feels like is so that you can use it to guide your eating. This is essential. I cannot tell you how many times a client has told me she has no idea what hunger feels like to her because she’s never even let herself experience hunger. And so that’s where we start. Often she’s used to eating out of habit. She’s used to eating when she’s sad or stressed or bored. And as a result, she has no idea what it feels like to experience real hunger.

So start by paying attention to what is physically going on in your body. I want you to know what true hunger actually feels like. And more importantly, I want you to show yourself that the first sign of hunger is not a reason to drop everything you’re doing and start eating. And no, you don’t wanna try to go as long as you can without eating, but instead you simply pay attention to what hunger feels like so that you can gauge when and how much to eat. The answer here is to build awareness and know what true hunger feels like for you and use your hunger as a guide.

All right, so next. Another reason that eating in a calorie deficit might not feel good is if you’re not eating a balanced diet. So this is looking at your food quality here. And if your diet consists of mostly processed, low nutrient density foods, that is not gonna cut it. I learned this concept in my health coach certification and I’ll share it here. Eat how you want to feel. Eat how you want to feel. And you get to decide if you want to eat to feel fresh or you eat to feel fried and greasy.

So think about how you feel after you eat a greasy burger and fries and top it off with a milkshake. How do you feel when you’re done with that meal? So I don’t know about you, but I generally feel gross and I feel like I have a gut bomb sitting in my stomach. It doesn’t feel great. So I try to make eating fried, greasy stuff the exception rather than the norm. Because here’s the thing that’s important to know. You can most definitely lose weight while eating processed food. But here’s what that would mean.

It would mean not eating a lot of food overall, and it would mean that you’re likely missing out on the vitamins, minerals, and nutrients that you would get by eating a largely whole food-based diet. So think about it. If you eat a burger and fries and a milkshake from a fast food restaurant, that will run you on average about 1,000 to 1,200 calories. And that is for one meal. And in that one meal, there is not a single vegetable other than the potatoes for your french fries, which I’m not sure really counts. And it doesn’t matter because you’re not going to be getting much nutritionally from those french fries other than the carbs and fat. There aren’t many vitamins or minerals or nutrients to be gained there.

Plus, beyond the lack of nutrients, that is just not a lot of food. And that’s part of the problem with a diet that consists of mostly ultra processed food. They are low volume, high calorie foods. So that means you get a lot of calories, but you don’t get a lot of food out of it. And it’s those two factors together that can lead you to have a hard time maintaining a calorie deficit on a largely ultra-processed food diet. You won’t be eating a large volume of food, and that food doesn’t have much to offer nutritionally. And both of those can add up to you having a hard time sustaining a calorie deficit.

So what do you do? You turn your focus to real, whole foods in your diet. I mentioned it already, so I won’t perseverate about it too much, but protein is important. Lean protein will keep you full. It helps to keep your hunger hormones in check, and it can help prevent cravings and nighttime snacking. Protein is also the most satiating of the macronutrients, So make sure that you are getting lean protein with every meal and snack.

And don’t forget about fiber. Fiber will also keep you full and it keeps your colon happy and healthy. And you wanna aim for at least 25 to 30 grams of fiber per day, okay? And this does not mean that fat and carbs aren’t important. They are, and they most certainly have a place in your diet. However, that being said, I will also add that most people have no trouble at all getting plenty of carbs and fat in their diet.

But I would just encourage you to pay attention to where those carbs and fat are coming from and be very choosy about them. So choose whole grains and fruit and veggies for your carbs. Choose healthy fats like salmon, olive oil, nuts, and nut butters and whole eggs.

So when you eat more whole, unprocessed, natural foods, you’ll end up eating a much more balanced diet. When you eat a variety of lean proteins, whole grains, healthy fats, and a variety of fruit and veggies, you’ll be taking in a much wider nutrient profile than if you were to consume a beige diet.

So a beige diet, as it sounds, is generally what a largely processed food diet looks like on your plate. Beige. So things like pasta, mac and cheese, commercially processed bread, chicken fingers, potato chips. It’s all beige and generally pretty low on nutritional value.

And so the goal here is to make your plate colorful with a variety of fruit, veggies, proteins, grains, and healthy fats, instead of having a plate that is monochromatic and filled with beige ultra-processed stuff. So you’ll be giving your body the nutrients it needs from your food. And as a result, you will feel better. You will have more energy, and you’ll be more likely to stick with a diet that makes you feel good and keeps you full.

So another challenge to you staying in a calorie deficit is when you have internal or mental resistance to eating less. So this is a big one, and I’m gonna do my best to break this down. And if you’ve ever felt it yourself, you will understand.

Mental resistance can occur when the idea of eating less triggers a feeling of restriction or deprivation. So plain and simple, you feel resistance to eating less because you don’t want to feel deprived. You may worry that you’ll feel lost or desperate or anxious because the feeling of hunger might be too much and that you will be missing out on what everyone else is eating.

Or you may associate eating less with your previous negative dieting experiences and that can absolutely freak you out and deter you from doing it again. Or you may associate eating less with losing all the enjoyment you get from food. So it’s for any one or maybe even all of these reasons that you might feel serious mental resistance to eating less. And this can totally get in the way of you establishing or maintaining a caloric deficit. So if you feel mental resistance to dieting because you’re afraid of what it will feel like to eat less, let’s talk about what you can do about it. So first, and this goes back a little bit to the last point when we were talking about nutrition and nutrient density, the idea here is to show yourself that you can actually eat a real amount of food and maintain a calorie deficit.

I cannot tell you how many times a client has told me she was afraid that she wasn’t gonna be able to eat anything when she tried to lose weight. She was convinced that she was gonna have to eat next to nothing. But then when we got into the specifics and planned it out, she realized that actually she was eating quite a bit of food.

So to make this very clear, losing weight does not mean eating like a bird. Losing weight does not automatically mean that you’re eating less. And the reason for this goes back to caloric density. So if you are transitioning away from a largely ultra-processed or fast food diet, or a beige diet like we just talked about, you might be surprised by the changes that come with it. When you transition away from a largely ultra-processed food diet to a largely whole foods diet, you may notice that the total volume of food you eat actually increases. You may end up eating more food than you’re used to. But the whole foods that you are eating are not as calorie dense as the ultra-processed stuff. So overall, you’re taking in less calories even though you’re eating more food. And it’s because you’re eating more high-volume, low-calorie foods. So things like fruit, veggies, oatmeal, cottage cheese, those are foods where you can eat quite a bit of volume, but it doesn’t add up to a huge caloric intake. So that means instead of eating a burger, fries, and milkshake for dinner, you have a chicken breast, a salad with all kinds of veggies, broccoli and cheese, and a small serving of brown rice, and it all adds up to less calories. So you’re not eating less food, but instead you’re eating less calorically dense food. And that right there makes a huge difference. And the other goal to remember here is to be in a calorie deficit, but not get overly hungry.

We talked about it earlier, and while yes, you may feel hungry at times while you’re in a calorie deficit, I don’t want you to get overly hungry because that can lead you to feel miserable and ultimately lead you to quit. So I need you to eat and not let yourself get overly hungry. And that may be different from previous dieting experiences you’ve had where you’re trying to get by eating as little as possible. This is not about starving yourself, okay? You’ve got to eat.

And the other solution I would offer you if you have mental resistance to eating less is to practice eating mindfully. So I’ll be honest, for a long time, I didn’t really love the word mindful because I thought it sounded like a buzzword that didn’t really mean much. But in the context of what we’re talking about, here’s what I mean when I suggest that you practice eating mindfully. It means you pay attention. You pay attention to what your hunger signals are telling you and then you practice eating when you’re legitimately physically hungry. You practice not eating when you’re stressed or bored or just eating out of habit.

And at the same time, you also practice eating until you’re satisfied. Okay, satisfied. So satisfied does not mean eating until you’re stuffed and need to unbutton your pants. Satisfied also does not mean cleaning your plate just because it’s sitting there in front of you. That is not satisfied.

Instead, when you eat mindfully, you pay attention to your fullness signals and stop eating when you’re no longer hungry. And in order to do that, you have to slow down and check in with yourself to know what, how much, and how fast you’re eating, and how you’re feeling. You are eating intentionally. You’re engaged in the process and not just eating everything because it’s sitting there in front of you.

So if you feel mental resistance to eating less, please remember two things. One, you’re not necessarily eating less food, but instead you’re eating differently by prioritizing a combination of foods like lean protein, fiber, and healthy fat with high volume, low calorie foods like fruit and veggies. And two, remember that you are taking a different approach. You are not out to see how much you can restrict yourself and how little you can eat in order to lose weight. You are not gonna let yourself get crazy hungry and you will eat when you need to. And then when you do eat, you eat until you’re satisfied and with intention, meaning you pay attention. And it’s the combination of these practices that will help you decrease the mental resistance you’ve got to eating less.

All right, and to piggyback off what we just talked about, another reason that maintaining a caloric deficit can be challenging is if you come at it from a mindset of deprivation. If you feel like you’re missing out, or if you feel that you have to deprive and restrict yourself all the stink in order to succeed, and you have to give up all your favorite foods and eat nothing but lettuce and cucumbers in order to lose weight, well, that is not going to help your cause and it’s not going to make being in a calorie deficit very pleasant.

And you might be thinking this way based on previous dieting experience or what current diet culture says, or because of the messages that we’re being fed about what it takes to lose weight. We are constantly being sold on the latest diet that cuts out something, no carbs, no fat, no meat, no nightshades. There are many, many diets that are built on a foundation of restriction. So it makes total sense if you associate dieting deprivation, but we’ve got to shake that up because if your diet is going to work, you cannot muster through it. You cannot willpower your way through it feeling all deprived. That feeling of missing out will eventually be too much and you will cave.

So what do you do to get out of a deprivation mindset? Well, first you have to believe that dieting does not equate with deprivation. And admittedly, this may take some unlearning. If your entire life has been built around the belief that the only way you can lose weight is by depriving yourself and cutting out all the foods you enjoy, well then we have some work to do because that just doesn’t work. We have to find a way for you to be able to eat foods that you love without it becoming a problem.

And that means practicing thinking that dieting does not equal deprivation. Instead, you’ll need to practice thinking and believing that it is possible to lose weight and eat foods that you enjoy, and that these two outcomes are not mutually exclusive. And let me make this super clear. You cannot BS your way through this. You cannot fake it till you make it here.

Because if you want to change your relationship with food, it means doing the real and sometimes dirty work of confronting your beliefs about yourself and about food. I want you to be able to pull the thread on the limiting belief that losing weight means depriving yourself. I want you to pull apart your belief that you cannot moderate yourself around foods like chocolate or pastries or chips. Because that is only the truth if you make it your truth.

So remember, what you believe about yourself is what you will go out into the world and prove true. So what if you decided that believing dieting equals deprivation is no longer working for you? What if you decided that believing you are incapable of moderation is holding you back and in fact not true? What if you decided that you are done thinking that way and you are going to prove a different truth. What if you decided that you’re going to prove that you can do both, lose weight and eat foods that you like?

Well, I’ll tell you what I’ve seen happen for so many of my clients who have done this work. When you believe that a different outcome is possible, then you go out and prove yourself correct. You prove to yourself that you can have your favorite foods and it doesn’t throw you off. You go through your days and practice not depriving yourself. You practice having chocolate or a cookie or tortilla chips and you practice not letting it become a cascade of more treats that turns into a food vendor.

You decide how you’re gonna treat yourself and enjoy your favorite foods, and you practice getting right back to your plan without missing a beat. And here’s what happens. When you practice doing this and you practice not depriving yourself, you’ll see for yourself that any and all foods have a place in your diet. You see for yourself that no food is off limits and there is in fact a way to make space for fun foods in your diet. You see that it’s not so black and white, that it’s not either all clean all the time or all treats all the time. You start to unravel your all or nothing mentality.

And this is deliberate practice. Deliberate practice means you practice the things that you’re not good at. So if you have repeatedly told yourself, I cannot moderate myself around chocolate, or I’m not good at moderation. Well, the only way you get good at it is by practicing it. You try, you mess up, and you keep trying until you get it right. It’s deliberate practice, and it is a key step to eliminating a mindset built on deprivation. You practice flexibility by incorporating your favorite foods in moderation.

All right? So there it is. We just went over a number of different strategies and mindset shifts to help you make staying in a calorie deficit less challenging. And if there is nothing else you take away from this episode, please walk away knowing this. Eating in a calorie deficit to lose weight does not have to be an exercise in how much misery you can tolerate, okay?

Instead, it’s about striking a balance between achieving your health, fitness, and physique goals and enjoying the process. And here’s why I say enjoy the process. This process is meant to redesign how you live your life. These tools and concepts are meant to stick with you for life. These are not gimmicks that you white knuckle through for 30 days only to throw in the towel and rebound on day 31. That’s doing you a huge disservice.

So it’s really important that you find things that you can do that make the process of eating in a calorie deficit doable, but also enjoyable, because the goal is that you do these things for life.

So whether it’s creating a moderate deficit, prioritizing whole nutrient dense foods, or reframing your mindset around hunger and satisfaction, you are walking away with multiple actionable strategies to make this journey more manageable, and dare I say less stinky. Because this isn’t supposed to stink! It’s supposed to change your life and make it better. It’s supposed to make you healthier.

And please remember that the key is not to be perfect, but to be consistent. Because progress happens when you show up day after day, even if some days feel harder than others. Progress happens when you eat your weight and pizza on a Friday night. And instead of letting that turn into a weekend of junk food only to start a detox on Monday, you make Saturday’s breakfast healthy and get on with your plan.

Progress also means that you celebrate the small wins, like choosing a salad or mindfully eating a meal without distractions. It’s recognizing that the choices you make, while they may seem small in the moment, really do add up to big results. All of these small things matter because they build the foundation for long-term success. So as you move forward, stay curious.

Pay attention to what works for you. Notice how you feel, both in your brain and in your body as you change how you eat. Adjust as needed and don’t be afraid to experiment because there is not nor will there ever be one right way to do this. There is no one right way to lose weight, get strong, or eat healthy.

This is your own unique journey and it should feel sustainable and supportive, not punishing or extreme if you want it to last. Okay? And finally, please remember that weight loss is more about the number on the scale. It’s about building trust in yourself, learning to honor your hunger and fullness cues, and treating your body with the attention it deserves.

So you are more than capable of making this work for you. So pick one or two strategies to try this week and let me know how it goes. All right, and if you want help with this, let’s go. When you coach with me, we find ways to eat and move in a way that feels good, and then we build the mindset to back it up.

Check out my website, send me a message at https://www.kerryhollandmd.com/contact, and let’s talk about how coaching will change your habits, change your mindset, and change your life. All right, thank you again for hanging out with me, and I’ll catch you again next week.

Hey, if you’re looking for your next great read, I’ve got you covered. Head over to CarrieHollandMD.com/books and download my list of most favorite reads. I’ve got two collections waiting for you. One is all about work-life balance. The other is a collection of books that have changed my life. I’ve referenced many of these books in the podcast, and now you can access those titles all in one place.

Again, that’s CarrieHollandMD.com/books. Check it out and find your next great read. Thank you for listening to the Strong Is a Mindset podcast. If you want to learn more about how to build both a strong mind and a strong body by eating, moving, and most importantly, thinking, check out CarrieHollandMD.com.