Ep #198: Why You Keep Feeling Off Track – Even When You’re Not

This is the Strong Is a Mindset podcast, Episode #198. Today, we’re talking about why it feels like you’re always starting over and what actually keeps you on track with your habits.

This is the Strong Is a Mindset podcast, where you’ll learn how to build both a strong body and a strong mind by eating, moving, and thinking. I’m your host Physician, Personal Trainer, Certified Health Coach and Certified Life Coach, Carrie Holland. 

Hey, how are you? What’s new? What’s good? So, what’s good here? Well, today, we’re talking about what it means to be on track. That is a phrase I hear all the time from clients, especially after we’ve made a plan for how they’re going to eat or exercise. And then they come back at some point during a session and say, “I got off track.” And the more I hear that, the more I realize we have a bit of a problem. Because we use that phrase all the time, but we haven’t actually defined what it means to be on track in the first place.

And that term sounds really simple on the surface, right? On track. But have you ever taken a step back and thought about what that actually means for you? Because I think a lot of you, and a lot of my clients, are trying super hard to stay on track, but without a clear definition of what that even is. And then, when you’re operating under a fuzzy definition of being on track, it becomes really easy to feel like you’re constantly falling off, even when you’re doing a lot of things right.

So, that’s where we’re going today. We’re going to talk about the problem with how most people think about on track, and I’m going to help you get really clear on what that actually looks like for you. We’ll also talk about why on track can feel so fragile and what keeps people stuck in that cycle of feeling on, then off, then starting over. And I’ve also got some ideas to offer you to make staying on track less complicated so your eating and your workouts don’t feel so all over the place. I’m excited to pull this apart, and I have some ideas that I think are going to help make this click for you. So, let’s get into it.

Let’s start here. A lot of you are trying to stay on track. But what exactly does that mean? Does that mean zero missed workouts? Does that mean seven days of perfectly portioned meals with 50 grams of protein each? Does that mean no desserts? Zero deviation at all from your plan? What specifically counts as on track for you?

And the reason I ask is because when I bring this up with my clients, I often get a bit of a blank stare because they haven’t really thought about that. Often, they haven’t clearly defined what on track means for themselves. And here’s what I’ve seen happen after coaching clients on this for years. When something like being on track is not clearly defined, your brain goes to work and fills in the blanks. And for most of you, especially if you’re used to performing at a high level in all the other parts of your life, the default definition becomes perfect. Perfect eating with zero snacks, zero desserts. Perfect workouts with no missed days. Everything done exactly as planned. No deviation.

And that is where the problem starts. With that definition of on track, it is incredibly easy to fall off, because the second something doesn’t go according to plan, even a little, you assume, I’m off track. And this is when things start to feel really fragile. And it’s not because you’re doing anything wrong, it’s because the definition itself is too narrow. You miss one workout, off track. Eat something you didn’t plan, off track. Have a busy day and things didn’t go as expected, off track. And now, you’re in this pattern where you’re constantly falling off and trying to get back on over and over again.

And it’s because the standard you’re measuring yourself against is so tight, there’s no room to stay inside it. So, instead of on track looking like a range of behavior that you can actually maintain, it becomes more like a tightrope where even one small miss feels like a huge fall. And when that’s the setup, or when on track basically means perfect, it creates a very predictable pattern. And you can usually hear it in the way people talk about it, because this is where things start to sound very all or nothing. This is where sentences like, “I was really good until Friday,” or, “I totally fell off this weekend.” Those sort of sentences start to show up.

And I find that language interesting. One, because I pay close attention to the words you use, because they matter more than you think. And two, the way these things are phrased, it becomes very binary. You’re either on or you’re off. There’s really nothing in between. There’s no gray area or no version of, “Well, some things happened that were still helpful.” That all gets erased because of a few slips. So it’s either on or off.

And part of what keeps that on-off behavior going is what you choose to count. Because for many of you, it only counts if it’s your best-case behavior. So what does that mean? It means that in your mind, it only counts if it’s a full workout. Or, it only counts if you ate exactly as planned. It only counts if the day went the way you mapped it out ahead of time, with no schedule changes, last-minute decisions, or pivots. And if what you do doesn’t meet that exact standard, it’s almost like it gets erased. It doesn’t count at all.

So then what happens is you start discounting the things you are doing. So even though you did a shorter workout instead of a full 45-minute session, that doesn’t count. Or, say you go for a walk instead of lifting. That doesn’t count. You have dessert when you said you weren’t going to. So now that means the protein, veggies, and whole carbs you had all day long before that dessert, they don’t count. I see it on an even bigger scale, too. Sometimes, when you start to go off track, but you still catch it and stop it earlier than you used to, even though you stopped it, it still doesn’t count. Or, if you get back on track at your next meal instead of letting it spiral, even that doesn’t count. I see this all the time, and it’s shooting you in the foot.

Because often, you actually are doing a lot of things differently. You’re making adjustments, you’re interrupting patterns, you’re keeping things from getting worse. But because it wasn’t the absolute best-case scenario, you don’t give yourself any credit for it. And over time, that starts to distort how things feel. It feels like you’re not making any progress, even when you are, because your own effort doesn’t count unless it’s the best case or perfect.

And this reflects the lens you’re using. When you’re only looking for what went wrong, you are most definitely going to miss anything that went right. It’s perfectionism combined with confirmation bias, and it will send you spinning in circles. And then the third piece that keeps you stuck is the reset mentality. You know what I’m talking about. It’s the idea of, “I’ll just start again on Monday,” or, “I need a clean slate.” It sounds responsible. It feels organized, like you’re getting back in control. But it’s a lot more dramatic than it needs to be.

Because instead of just making the next meal something you’re proud of, or just going for a walk and calling it good, you turn it into a full-on restart. It adds way more drama to your habits when there doesn’t need to be. But what that actually does is reinforce the same all-or-nothing structure, where you’re either fully on or you’re completely off, and you don’t leave yourself any room for just keeping on or just continuing and picking up where you left off.

So when you add all of that up, all-or-nothing thinking, only counting your best days, and needing a reset whenever something isn’t perfect, it creates a version of on track that is almost impossible to stay in. So, it makes total sense if you feel like you’re constantly falling off. It’s not because you are, but it’s because of how you’re defining it.

So, let’s clean that up. Let’s actually define what on track is. Because “on track” really isn’t a perfect day. It’s also not everything going according to plan. Instead, it’s really a range of behaviors that still move things forward. And the first thing to understand is that on track is based on a minimum, not a maximum. So it’s really not your best-case scenario, and it’s also not your most dialed-in week. Instead, it’s what actually counts on a normal day when things are not perfect. So what does that look like in real life? So it looks like exercising regularly, not perfectly, but consistently. Whether that’s two days a week or five days a week, it really does not matter because that’s going to be unique to you.

It looks like eating regular, thought-out meals, not constantly snacking between meals. It also looks like getting reasonably consistent sleep. But just as important, being on track means not swinging between extremes. So, not going all in on your diet and exercise for a few days and then completely going off the rails. Not doing everything perfectly, only to decide, “This is too hard, and if I can’t do this right, what is the point?” and then going in the opposite direction.

Instead, it is way more steady than that. People who stay on track, they just keep rolling. So that means if they miss a workout, they come back and get the next one done the following day. Or if they have an off meal, they move on and get back to their plan at the next one. And the key here is that there’s no big drama, no big spiral. And this is a really important piece, because it’s not just about what you do, it’s about how you respond when something doesn’t go as planned.

If every deviation turns into frustration, guilt, or, “I’ve got to fix this,” that’s when things start to unravel. But when you keep the drama out of it, your misses stay small. It just becomes one choice or one blip in time instead of something that takes over the rest of your day or the rest of your week.

And here is where I’m going to call on James Clear’s famous advice from his amazing book, Atomic Habits. He says it: “One miss is an outlier. Two misses is the start of a new pattern.” And people who are on track, they don’t let one miss turn into two or three or 10. They just get back to it, period, end.

So being on track also allows for variation. That means it’s not all good days. It means a mix of good days and average days and straight-up messy days where sometimes things go as planned and other times you adjust because life goes sideways. So that means you don’t disengage. This is not about having a bad day and then declaring, “Well, anything goes and none of this matters.” No. There’s a difference between a day that’s a little off versus deciding you’re done for the day or the week. But a day that’s a little messy, where things don’t go exactly as planned, but you still showed up in some way, that still counts.

And the last piece to being on track is that it’s anchored in consistency, not in intensity. So that means a moderate but not all-out workout, that still counts. Or a walk instead of something more intense, still counts. Or eating a takeout burger and getting a salad instead of fries, also counts.

And I think this is where so many people get tripped up because those things don’t feel like enough. They don’t feel impressive. They don’t feel like your best effort. But that’s not the point. What actually keeps you on track isn’t how hard or perfect any one day is. What keeps you on track is whether you keep showing up.

And the goal is to keep showing up over and over again. Because it’s the accumulation of all of those days, normal ones, messy ones, and everything in between that actually creates stability. When you’re always chasing intensity or trying to make every day your best day or get a 100%, you end up with big swings. When you’re chasing consistency instead, things level out. Your eating gets more predictable. Your workouts get more stable, and your results stop feeling so up and down. And that’s what being on track is actually built on. So it’s not the big highs, but the repeatable, boring, but steady middle.

And this is where I think it becomes a little easier to actually see what this looks like in real life. Because when we talk about consistency, that can feel a little abstract. You might be thinking to yourself, “Okay, yep, I get it. I need to be more consistent.” But what does that actually look like day to day?

One way I think about this, and one way I explain this to my clients, is something I call shrinking the box. And what I mean by that is this: there is always going to be some space between when things are going according to plan and when they’re a little off. That is just part of real life. So that means you’re going to have meals that aren’t exactly what you planned. You’ll miss workouts. You’ll have days that aren’t perfect. And the goal isn’t to eliminate that because that is impossible. Instead, the goal is to shrink the space between those two things.

And there are really two ways that this box starts to shrink. So the first is by time or how long you stay off track. So maybe in the past, one off meal would turn into a whole day of meals that are off track. Or maybe one off-plan choice would spiral and lead to an entire weekend of off-plan meals. When you shrink the box, it’s just one meal. So you shorten the amount of time it takes to come back. Instead of stretching it into hours or days, it stays contained. It’s a shorter duration.

And then the other dimension to this box is intensity, or how far things go when they do go off. And that means instead of one miss becoming super dramatic and turning into a full-on spiral, you treat that one miss as just a small deviation. Your greasy meal on Saturday night does not turn into a dramatic scene where you think to yourself, “Well, I already blew it, so none of this matters,” as you proceed to spin out in shame and frustration. No. Instead, you acknowledge it. That was an off meal, and then consciously decide, “All right, I’m not going to spiral. I’m not going to follow up my greasy burger with a brownie sundae as big as my face.” You just move on. In essence, you shrink the drama, and you shrink the intensity of the slip. You don’t pile more on top of it.

And then when you put those two things together, less time off track and less intensity when it does happen, that’s it. That’s what it means to shrink the box. The space between on and off gets smaller. And this is the part that people often overlook. They don’t count this because it doesn’t look dramatic. It doesn’t look like a huge transformation. You’re just getting on with it. But this is the work. This is what actually creates consistency.

And once you start to see it that way, something else will shift. You’ll realize that a lot of the things that you’ve been calling off track actually aren’t off track at all. Because if being on track includes consistency, variation, and getting back on track quickly, then a lot more counts than you think.

So that means things like walking instead of a harder workout, counts. Doing 20 minutes instead of 45, that still counts. Eating something at a restaurant that wasn’t perfect, but then moving on, that counts. Having dessert but stopping at one, also counts. Missing a planned workout but doing something active, that counts. Eating a less optimal meal because life was busy but still eating normally, again, that counts.

And all of these examples have something in common. They may not be perfect, but they keep you in the pattern. They are close enough, and more importantly, they don’t pull you out of the routine. You’re still in it. And this is where I think many of you can recalibrate because none of that is off track. That is what being on track actually looks like in a real, messy life. Now, on the flip side, being off track is not about a singular moment. It’s not one meal or one workout or one day that didn’t go as planned. Instead, being off track is about a pattern. It’s when one miss turns into a week of misses. It’s when something small doesn’t go right, and instead of adjusting, you give up for the day. It’s swinging between extremes where you have periods of being all in, followed by being completely off. It’s the all-or-nothing thinking of, “If I can’t do this perfectly, why bother?” And it’s walking away from your structure entirely and disengaging.

And if you zoom out, all of those things have something in common. It’s not really about what you did in that one moment. It’s about what happens next. It’s about whether you get back to your routine or whether you let that one slip take you farther off course. Because being off track is not just one decision. It’s really when that decision turns into the next one and then the next one. And before you know it, you’re not just dealing with one off moment, you’re dealing with a whole string of them.

And that’s when it starts to feel exhausting. Because now, everything depends on getting it exactly right. And if you don’t, there’s nothing to fall back on. There’s no middle ground, and there’s no version that still counts. So you end up in this cycle of trying to do everything perfectly and then completely disengaging when you can’t. It’s so much pressure, and it makes your habits really hard to sustain.

So, once you see that, once you can actually separate what feels off track from what actually is off track, this is where things get better. Because now, you’re not just reacting to every single decision. You’re not making every choice mean something about how you’re doing. And you’re not constantly trying to figure out, “Am I on or am I off?” There’s a little more stability there and a little more clarity in how you’re looking at things.

And then from that place, now you can actually define what on track means for you. And this part does not need to be complicated. It’s actually pretty simple. But it does require you to be honest with yourself in a way that you might not have been in the past. It also requires you to think about your habits a little differently, because instead of focusing on your best days or what you wish you were doing consistently, this asks you to look at what’s realistic, taking into account your crazy busy days.

So the first question to consider is, what is the minimum that still moves me forward? So we’re not talking about your very best day here. We’re not talking about your most dialed-in version of your habits. And we’re not talking about the week where everything lines up perfectly and you have the time and the energy and motivation to do everything right. I’m talking about what still counts for you on a normal day. So what habit is effective enough that if you did it consistently, things would actually improve?

So maybe that’s a 10-minute walk instead of a 45-minute boot camp. Or eating three regular meals a day instead of trying to track everything down to the gram. And the idea here is nothing extreme, but something you can actually repeat.

Now, the second question to consider is, what would this look like on a busy, messy day? Honestly, this is where it really matters. I say it all the time, I’ll say it again here, it’s easy when it’s easy. And what happens is, so many of us plan our habits for when life is perfect. When you slept a full eight hours, no one at home is sick, you leave work on time, there are no carpool glitches to manage. But life doesn’t work that way. There is always something, always. So instead of planning your habits around what you can do on your best day, I want you to consider what habits you can do on your very worst day.

What does your nutrition and exercise look like on a day when you don’t have ideal conditions? Decide on that. So not when everything is easy, but when you’re tired, your schedule is full, and things don’t go according to plan. What does on track look like there? And that keeps it so much more realistic. All right?

And then the third question: what are you currently not counting that actually matters? Because for most of you, I’m going to guess that there’s more here than you think. Things like a shorter workout, simpler meals that still get protein, veggies, and carbs in, repeating the same foods, catching yourself before something turns into a full spiral, getting back to your routine a little faster than you used to. All of that counts, even if it doesn’t look impressive and even if it doesn’t feel like your best, it all counts.

And this is where the shift really starts to happen because when you answer these questions honestly, your definition of on track will get wider. It becomes more realistic, more usable, something you can actually sustain. And when that happens, you’ll find that you’re on track way more often than you think.

So, if you actually start applying this, if you stop narrowing on track down to perfect days only, this is what begins to change. You stop feeling like you’re chasing your tail. You stop feeling like you’re constantly falling off because more of your effort actually counts now. You’ve given yourself more room to be on track. Instead of this pattern of starting over again and again, you start to build continuity. You don’t have to reset every time something isn’t perfect. Instead, you just keep going.

And over time, you’ll start to trust your effort more. And it’s not because everything you’re doing is ideal, but because it’s consistent. You see for yourself that you’re showing up even on the days that aren’t your best. So when you widen your definition of on track, it also takes away the feeling that everything has to line up perfectly for you to be doing it right. You don’t need the perfect schedule or the perfect plan or the perfect amount of motivation to stay in it.

Because now, on track isn’t this super narrow target that you’re trying to hit. Instead, it’s a range that you can operate inside of. And that range is what makes it sustainable. You’re off the tightrope where any misstep means failure. You have more room to move and more ways to stay in the game. And that starts to match up with your real life. And that’s key.

So instead of a string of resets, you start to build continuity. And I’ll give you a really simple example of what this looks like for me. I know I’m on track when things feel steady. That means I’m exercising regularly, I’m eating my normal meals that include protein, usually a salad with dinner. I’m not snacking all day, my weight is stable, and my workouts are consistent. It’s certainly not perfect. And every now and then, I eat more dessert or more peanut butter than I planned. Or I walk instead of pushing it on a run. It’s not my absolute 100% best every single day.

But that’s okay because it’s steady. And I know that even if one day or one meal or one workout or one dessert was off, it matters, but it doesn’t. Because I know deep in my bones that I’m going to come back to it and do it all over again tomorrow and the next day and the next, and I can always choose differently. That’s how I know I’m on track. And that’s really what I want you to take from this.

The goal is not to execute everything perfectly. It’s to know that showing up in whatever capacity you can is still counts, and you keep going. Because when you actually define what on track looks like for you in a way that’s realistic and repeatable, you’ll stop feeling like you’re constantly falling off. You stop starting over every few days, and you start building something that actually holds up. And that will change your entire experience of this. Your habits and your health and your fitness, they will all feel less fragile. It’s less all or nothing. It’s less like you’re one decision away from being off, and it’s more like something that keeps going even when things aren’t perfect. All right?

And if you want help with this, let’s talk. When you coach with me, we define what on track actually looks like for you, so you’re not constantly guessing. We build something that’s repeatable and realistic so you can stop starting over and actually see progress. Check out my website, send me a message at www.CarrieHollandMD.com/contact and let’s talk about how coaching can help you. All right? Thank you again for hanging out with me, and I’ll catch you again next week.

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You’ll also find strength training tips to help you train smarter and see real results. My goal is to help you get strong and this strength-training guide will help you do it. Go to CarrieHollandMD.com/build strength and check it out.

Thank you for listening to the Strong Is a Mindset podcast. If you want to learn more about how to build both a strong mind and a strong body by eating, moving, and most importantly, thinking, check out CarrieHollandMD.com.