Ep #181: Feeling Behind This December? How to Break the Holiday Stress Cycle

This is the Strong Is a Mindset podcast, Episode #181. If December has you feeling overloaded, stretched thin, or like you can’t keep up no matter how hard you try, let me help you take some of the weight off.

This is the Strong Is a Mindset podcast, where you’ll learn how to build both a strong body and a strong mind by eating, moving, and thinking. I’m your host Physician, Personal Trainer, Certified Health Coach and Certified Life Coach, Carrie Holland. 

Hey, how are you? What’s new? What’s good? So, what’s good here? Well, today, we’re going to talk about how to stay in the game during this season. It’s mid-December, and this is the time when things really start to pick up. Work is still in high gear. If you have kids, they might still be in school but are getting antsy for winter break, and year-end deadlines are staring you down. So, this is the time of year when it feels like time is speeding up. The pressure is rising to do even more than you’re already doing, and you’re supposed to do it with a big dose of holiday cheer.

So, basically, you’re taking your already busy life and adding all the holiday hoopla on top of it, and you’re just supposed to find time for it. And don’t forget to do it all with a smile. But I want to help you manage that without feeling like a crazy person. So, last week, we talked about resisting the “hang it up until January” mindset. It was a bit of a call to action to decide for yourself that December is not a throwaway month and that all bets are not off until the new year. But here’s what I know about that. Most women don’t wake up one morning and decide to quit on themselves.

What usually happens instead is a slow build of emotional overload. The pressure, the deadlines, the constant mental gymnastics, and the feeling that you’re starting the day 10 steps behind before you even get out of bed. And that’s what I want to dig into today. We’re going to talk about how to pull yourself out of the December swirl, because here’s the truth. December gets heavy long before you ever consciously choose to check out. And that heaviness doesn’t come from the food or the parties or the travel, it comes from the mental and emotional load that you’re carrying. And if you’re anything like me or any of the women I coach, that load has been building for weeks.

So I can give you an example of what that feels like here in my own house, and I’m guessing you can relate. There’s the mental load of holiday gifts, including double gifts because my oldest son’s birthday is the week of Christmas, so it’s birthday planning and Christmas planning on top of everything else. Then there’s also CME or continuing education deadlines that come at the end of the year, and those are for not one, but two of my certifications. I also have two podcast episodes that have to be turned in early to give my production team time to get the episodes done before the holidays. There’s holiday band concerts that require a particular outfit, which means an emergency shopping trip for all-black shoes.

There’s the first big snowfall and the realization that my kids’ boots, the ones we just bought last year, are already too small, which means another emergency shopping trip. And you know what I’m talking about. So all of this is layered on top of the usual December stuff: decorating the house, putting up the tree, teacher gifts, cookie exchanges, school events, family cards, all of the things that fall on your shoulders whether you want them or not. And all of that takes a toll. And the pressure may not be coming from one big thing. It usually comes from a bunch of little things all happening at once.

It’s the quiet, buzzing energy of “do more,” mixed with the feeling that there is just not enough time. There’s a sense that rest is irresponsible at this time of the year. Like, the moment you sit down to watch Elf with your kids, instead of enjoying it, all you can think is that you should be doing something productive right now. You should be getting ahead. You should be using this time better. And I know I’m not alone in that. I’ve heard multiple versions of this same story from my clients over the last few weeks. Routines start to unravel, and not because my clients don’t care, but because they are carrying too much.

So, workouts get skipped. People stay up too late trying to get through their to-do list. They grab whatever food is available because they just don’t have the bandwidth to plan. They walk by the tray of cookies in the break room and feel like they’re white-knuckling their whole day trying to avoid gorging on peanut butter blossoms. And then the guilt hits, and the self-judgment. And before they know it, they’re convinced they’ve lost control.

But here’s what I want you to hear loud and clear. There’s nothing wrong with you if you feel a strain at this time of year. Your routines are not falling apart because you’re lazy or unmotivated. You’re not overeating because you have no discipline. You’re not behind because you’re disorganized. What’s happening is you’re overloaded. You’re carrying more than is reasonable for one human being to carry at this time of year, or really any time of year, and your system is doing exactly what it does when it feels too much pressure. It starts dropping the non-urgent stuff in order to get by.

So, nothing is wrong with you. This is just an impossible equation. And it’s not a character flaw, it’s biology. Really, it’s capacity. You’ve hit your limit, and there are not enough hours to get all of your regular work done, plus all the holiday work that gets added on at this time of year, so you start to drop things. The things that keep you together, like exercise and eating healthy. And this is a completely normal response to being stretched too thin.

So, hopefully, beyond normalizing this very common phenomenon that I see pretty much every December, I want to show you a way out of that. And not by giving you more to do, because the last thing you need in December is another project. So instead, what you need is a way to interrupt the swirl. You need a way out of the frantic spinning that your brain gets into when it thinks that everything is urgent. And you need something that feels doable in your actual real life, not the idealized, picture-perfect December that you see on Instagram.

And so, before we talk about what to do, I want to call out a few things that tend to make this season even harder. So, you can think of these as some things not to do. These are the default moves many women make when they’re stretched too thin, and they’re the exact things that fuel overwhelm instead of manage it. So let’s talk about what not to do when you’re overloaded. I want to help you avoid some common roadblocks I see women run into at this time of year, because when you’re stretched thin, your brain will offer you all kinds of convincing ideas, things like, “I just need to push harder,” or “I should be able to handle all this,” or “I can’t slow down right now, it’s the holidays.” And while those thoughts might feel true, they almost always will leave you more exhausted and depleted than you already are.

So, here’s what I want you to avoid. First, don’t tighten up. So this is one of the most common responses I see. You hit holiday overwhelm and your brain decides the solution is to grip harder. And that’s when you might start micromanaging your time, your food, your schedule, your kids, your house, everything. And you start thinking things like, “If I can just get more organized,” or “If I can just get ahead, then the stress will go down.” But here’s the truth. When you’re already at your limit, tightening up is the emotional equivalent of clenching your fists and holding your breath. It doesn’t give you control; it just exhausts you.

And for women who already have perfectionistic tendencies, tightening the reins becomes a fast track to burnout. That’s you trying to operate at peak performance in the middle of the busiest, most emotionally demanding month of the year. And that’s not realistic, not in December.

So, the second thing to consider is don’t jump to extremes. So what do I mean by that? What I mean is don’t respond to the stressful parts of the holidays by making big decisions from a place of overload. So when you’re feeling fried and up to your eyeballs in holiday tasks, that’s generally not the time to decide your habits aren’t working or that you should just hang it up or that you’ll fix it all in January. That’s really your stress talking, because when you’re overwhelmed, finding addresses and spreadsheets and stamps for your 100-plus holiday cards, your brain is not making sound calls. It’s making protective calls. Things like, “I’m just not cut out for this,” or “I’ll start over on Monday.”

Those thoughts feel logical in the moment, but they’re actually coming from stress instead of clarity. And that is not the version of you who thinks long-term or makes solid decisions. That’s the version of you who’s just trying to make the pressure stop as soon as possible. And you don’t want to rearrange your life from that mindset, okay?

And then the third what not to do is don’t turn on yourself. This is an important one, and I cannot stress it enough. When you’re overloaded, your brain will make you the problem. Meaning, instead of seeing your circumstances clearly and how much is being asked of you at this time, instead, you start blaming your character and your inability to be Superwoman, and you make it a personal failing. So many of the women I work with respond to overwhelm by blaming themselves for having limits. And that’s when thoughts come up like, “I should be handling this better. What’s wrong with me? Everyone else seems to be managing just fine. Why am I failing?”

And this is where the spiral really takes hold, because now, instead of just being overwhelmed, you’re both overwhelmed and full of shame. And that combination is no good because overwhelm is one thing, but shame makes you hide. It makes you overeat. It makes you shut down. It keeps you stuck in the exact patterns you’re trying to break. But this is not a you problem. Remember, it’s a capacity problem in a season that demands too much of you when you’re already stretched thin to begin with.

So, to review, here is what not to do when December overwhelm hits. Don’t tighten the reins and push harder. Don’t jump to extremes and make big decisions while you’re swimming in overwhelm. And don’t turn on yourself and add shame to overwhelm. So, remember, your job when you’re overloaded isn’t to double down or fix the situation. Your job is to stabilize yourself enough to think clearly again. And once you’ve stopped tightening, going to extremes, or turning on yourself, then we can talk about how to move forward in a way that actually feels doable.

Now, here’s what I want to offer you. When you realize you’re spinning, when you feel rushed, scattered, and irritated, or when you’re starting to feel like everything is coming at you all at once, that’s your cue. That’s your signal to pause. And all I’m asking you to do here is notice it, that whole awareness thing again. You’re just noticing it. You might even say to yourself, “All right, I’m hitting my limit.” And honestly, even just naming it is helpful. That brings you back to earth. It changes your relationship to the stress you’re feeling. You’re noticing that you’re feeling overwhelmed.

And then, once you’ve noticed it, give yourself a minute to disconnect from the noise. Like, literally a minute to refocus. 60 seconds to put your feet on the floor, take a breath, unclench your jaw, and drop your shoulders. And I suggest all of those because that’s most often how and where we carry stress. You might be breathing shallow, or if you’re like me, you might even find yourself holding your breath. Maybe you feel tension in your jaw from clenching so hard, but you didn’t even notice. And maybe your shoulders have crept up into your ears while you’re at your computer, but you just didn’t notice. And this is your invitation to feel that, observe it, and start to rewind it by letting that all release and get back to your body instead of spinning around in your head.

And take note here, you do not have to meditate. You don’t have to pull out a yoga mat or a pen and paper to journal, and you don’t have to move yourself to a quiet room. You’re just taking 60 seconds to slow down and reset. And then from there, decide your next move, the smallest, easiest move that helps you feel just a little more like yourself. It does not have to be anything big or earth-shattering, but maybe just the next step forward that helps a little right now. So, maybe that’s drinking a glass of water. Maybe it’s going outside and getting some air. Maybe it’s walking away from your desk and walking around for two minutes. Or maybe it’s sitting and watching Elf with your kids and letting yourself just enjoy it.

It really does not matter what it is. The point is that whatever you make your next move be comes from a place of intention and calm instead of a place of reactivity, which is the way so many of us get through December, by reacting. So this is the opposite of that. So that’s it. Instead of pushing harder, pushing to extremes, or shaming yourself, instead, you notice the overwhelm, take 60 seconds to reset both your brain and your body, and then choose the next easiest, helpful step. So this is super simple on purpose, because simple is what works when your brain is spinning.

And I want to show you what this actually looks like because this isn’t just a nice idea. It’s something that you can use in some of the most common moments that usually trip you up in December. So, maybe you’re at work and someone sets out yet another tray of Christmas cookies in the break room. And maybe you walk by it three different times, telling yourself you won’t touch it. And by the fourth pass, when it’s later in the day and you’re feeling the stress of work starting to weigh on you, you’re grabbing gingerbread men without even realizing what’s happening.

So, here’s where you can apply the tool. This is your moment to notice. “Hey, I’m getting overloaded. This is not hunger. This is me feeling stressed and needing a break.” And that’s when you step away for 60 seconds to disconnect from the noise of the cookies and the break room and breathe. And then, you decide your next move. You direct yourself from a calmer place, whether that means eating something real if you are hungry and not making cookies your lunch, or you get a glass of water, or you decide to stop walking into the break room all together because you don’t need to and you know it just messes with your brain.

Or maybe you’re sitting on the couch watching a holiday movie with your family, and instead of enjoying it, your brain is busy reminding you of everything you should be doing: wrapping presents, cleaning the kitchen, addressing cards, or getting ahead on work. So, that pressure or that uncomfortable feeling that you shouldn’t be resting, there’s your signal. That’s your moment to pause. You notice it, you take a breath, and you disconnect from the noise in your brain that’s telling you to get up and do more.

And from there, you decide. Either you let yourself stay and watch the movie without feeling guilty, or you choose one small thing that actually helps you feel settled instead of feeding the urgency. So that could be an exhale, repeating a sentence or a phrase to yourself, or just reminding yourself that rest is okay.

And one more example of where this tool can come in handy. So imagine you’re in the middle of holiday chaos at home, and you feel a familiar resentment, that feeling of, “Why am I the only person in this family doing anything?” Maybe you’re wrapping gifts while everyone else is relaxing, or you’re handling dinner while everyone else is looking at screens, or you’re the one who remembered the teacher gift while everyone else forgot. So, when overwhelm shows up in the form of resentment, that’s your time to slow down and apply the tool. And again, you just slow down and notice it. You notice how you’re feeling before you do anything.

Then, you disconnect from the noise swirling around in your brain about how irritated you’re feeling that you’re carrying all of this. And then you breathe. You let your shoulders come out of your ears. And from that calmer place, you decide what’s going to help you move forward, whether that’s asking for help, lowering the bar, or simply acknowledging that carrying the load of all the holiday responsibilities is just heavy and you need a moment.

So, it really doesn’t matter what the scenario is. What matters more is that you catch yourself in those moments of overwhelm where you normally react and instead, you give yourself a minute to reset and respond. That is how you interrupt the swirl of December in real time. And sometimes it helps to have a simple image to make this stick. You know I’m very visual. So here you go. If you want something tangible to help make sense of this, you can think of it this way. Think of it like a circuit breaker. When you’re in your home and too many things are plugged in that are sapping energy, what happens? The circuit flips and everything shuts off. In our house, it’s almost always the hair dryer that puts us over the edge.

But the issue isn’t the appliances, right? It’s overload. And while it’s annoying, you don’t stand there and declare in a dark bathroom that this house is a failure, right? No, you walk downstairs, find the breaker, you flip it back on, and maybe unplug a few things before you finish drying your hair. So, December is the equivalent of plugging in the oven, the microwave, the Christmas lights, and the hair dryer all at once. And it’s too much. Something is going to flip.

And for most of us, instead of resetting the breaker, you shame yourself. You decide you should be able to handle it. You keep pushing. You keep stacking more and more things on your to-do list. And eventually, something gives, and you find yourself standing in the pantry eating cookies or scrolling your phone at midnight instead of sleeping, or snapping at your kids, or wondering why you can’t be more like the people you see on Instagram who seem to have time for elaborate holiday craft projects.

But this reset that we just went over, that’s your antidote to that. This is how you bring yourself back to earth during a season that can feel like a full-on race to the finish. You acknowledge the overload, you disconnect from the noise just for 60 seconds, and you direct your next move so you stop spiraling. You’re not trying to do everything at once. You’re not plugging in all the appliances all over again. You’re just resetting your breaker. That’s it.

Now, what happens if despite your best efforts, you still feel the overwhelm? What happens then? What do you do the day after you feel the overwhelm and let it get the best of you? Then what? Because I want to be honest and realistic, no matter how much awareness or intention you have, you’re going to have days in December that just get away from you. There will be days when you’re overstimulated, overtired, overbooked, and nothing goes the way you intended. So, what do you do then? What do you do when the wheels come off?

When that happens, what’s important is what happens after. That’s the place where things can either settle or snowball. And what I see commonly is that so many women wake up after a chaotic day and immediately shift into “makeup for it” mode. They start negotiating with themselves and make rules like, “Today has to be perfect. Today has to undo yesterday. Today has to be the day to get it all together.” And it feels productive in the moment, almost like you’re being responsible, but it’s coming from the same pressure that created the overwhelm in the first place.

Because remember, trying to fix an overloaded day by tightening the reins creates more of the same stress. So what actually helps instead is starting the day from neutral, not from punishment and not from a place of requiring perfection to make up for the previous day. Just neutral. You can acknowledge for yourself, “Yesterday was rough. Today is new.” It seems almost too simple, almost too basic, but don’t underestimate this. Starting your day from neutral interrupts the shame spiral that your brain loves to jump to. When you start out at neutral, you aren’t dragging guilt into the day with you, and that alone makes it easier to think more clearly.

And from there, your job isn’t to overhaul everything you ate or skipped or didn’t do. Your job is just to steady yourself. That means getting back to your basics, the things that make you feel like a functioning human being again. Drink some water, eat a real meal, move your body in a way that doesn’t require motivation, do the simplest routine of whatever helps you feel most like yourself. Because this isn’t about proving anything or making up for anything. It’s really about giving your mind and body a place to land so you can keep getting through the week without the frantic energy from the day before.

And here’s what I really want you to hear. Recovering from a hard day is not a consolation prize. It’s actually a skill. It’s part of the work. We tend to only celebrate the days we perform well and get an A-plus, like the days we hit our workouts, nail our food plan, and check all the boxes. But honestly, the days where you reset and recalibrate after getting overwhelmed, those are the days that build resilience. Those are the days that strengthen your identity and your habits. And most importantly, those are the days that make long-term consistency possible when you come back from an off day without turning it into a fault of your character, without overcorrecting, or without needing to punish yourself. That’s growth. When you just keep going, minus the drama.

So, recovery is what keeps December from spiraling into, “I’ll just deal with it in January.” It’s what keeps one rough day from turning into a rough week. Resetting after a moment of overwhelm helps you remember that you can trust yourself, even when you’re tired, even when you slip, even when the season feels heavy. When you recover and bounce back, you’ll move through December with a level of steadiness many women never give themselves a chance to feel. And that’s the kind of strength I want you to practice now. Not rigid perfection, but recovery after messing up. Not guilt, but kindness. Not making up for anything, but reconnecting and getting back to yourself. It’s subtle, but it changes how the entire month feels.

So, that’s the message I want to leave you with today. This month doesn’t have to take you out. You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through it, and you don’t have to abandon everything that matters to you just because this month is busy. Remember, you are not broken. You are not behind. You are not failing. You’re overloaded, but that’s something you can work with. You get to move through December differently. You get to catch yourself sooner. You get to interrupt the swirl before you get carried away by it. You get to stop tightening your grip, going to extremes, and making the stress mean anything about who you are as a person.

You get to be a human being, not a machine, and still take care of yourself in a way that feels realistic this season. And when you use the tools we talked about today, when you notice the overload, when you pause and disconnect from all the noise just long enough to get your bearings and decide your next easiest, helpful step, that’s when you stay in the game. You stay connected to yourself instead of being pulled in every direction by the holiday noise. You create just enough breathing room to make decisions you actually feel good about. And when the hard days do happen, you know how to recover without turning it into a whole story about your worth, because you are not failing if you ate a second or a third Christmas cookie.

This is how you get through December without losing yourself. Not by doing more, but by staying steady when everything around you speeds up. All right? And if you want help with this, let’s go. If you want to start the new year with support, direction, and habits that actually work in real life, let’s talk. This is the work I do with clients every day. Check out my website, send me a message at www.CarrieHollandMD.com/contact, and let’s talk about how coaching will help you stay out of the swirl and move through your life without burning yourself out in the process. All right? Thank you again for hanging out with me, and I’ll catch you again next week.

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Thank you for listening to the Strong Is a Mindset podcast. If you want to learn more about how to build both a strong mind and a strong body by eating, moving, and most importantly, thinking, check out CarrieHollandMD.com.